Agent Kats is back! (Story-3)

For those who are reading Agent Kats series for first time, please note that it is always semi-fictitious and I have NO violent bones in my body! Any resemblance to living, dead, zombies or what you (might) sometimes feel is truly-swear-by-my-thesis unintentional. To know more about Agent Kats, please drop by here and here.

In the most unexpected of moments, Agent Kats just popped up today! She is such a ray of sunshine when days get all monotonous and tiring due to unbeatable, increasing-by-the-second pile of work. Of course I try not to get her involved too much but some days you just canNOT help but use brute force!

There is a reason why they call it the 'silent room'. If I wanted atrocious, unsynchronized, senseless pounding in my ears, I might have as well waited to make my report in the middle of Dames square on Queens Day. I was working in the extra-silent section of the library so as to reach my highest concentration and productivity levels on a rather dark, drowsy Sunday afternoon right before Spring break. You can imagine how easy that must be! Well, it was almost as if I had the entire library to myself barring few other oddballs like me. And it seemed like I could do a lot that day.....

And then enters a lanky, tall, brown-bush-haired, annoying version of Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, you can imagine that as well I suppose! I knew him generally and a genius that he is, his parents have my respect for conjuring a super-brain and putting it in his head; really. But its ends there. A self-obsessed, arrogant, insolent, nonchalant creep that he was, he had to pick the spot right behind me. And as if all the charming qualities he possessed weren't enough, I discovered that day that he likes to use his keyboard as a punchball. What's with people when they pound their keyboards like it cheated on them with their partners/spouses? Be a little gentle to the machine and respect it a little, even if you are next in line to win a Nobel prize. His table was literally shaking with all the hammering and its not a pretty sound in a nearly empty glass house, especially if the desk right behind you is buffeting like a Boeing at high a-o-a. To add salt on raw wounds, he had to grumble (aloud!) about science-knows-what when clearly, there was a sign that said “Stilte a.u.b!” (Silence please!)

The muttering and ramming continued for a while and my day of high expectations was inching closer to devastation. I couldn't move to another spot as that computer was running simulations which wasn't backed up yet! My head began to throb and I almost whirred around to confront him. That's when I felt a deep shiver go down my spine. The glass all around began to resonate with some unknown energy. I felt like I was going to fling myself on that annoying brainiac. It took a great deal to stop myself. I clung on to my chair and that's when a translucent shell flared out of me. I knew it! It had to be her. She couldn't stay in anymore; not with all the ramming and muttering when all she needed was peace and quiet. The dark-haired, athletic maiden with eyes as sharp as a steely knife had come to my aid. It was her-Agent Kats! Phew! It had been more than a year since I saw her... What a treat to the eyes!

Agent Kats flew out of the vibrating shell like a ninja and landed right next to the guy. Before he could sense her, Agent Kats raised her iron-arm high and with one swift blow pounded his fingers into the keyboard. She kept pounding his hand, until he cried like a 5-year old boy. He tried arrogantly to push Agent Kats away, but that just infuriated her even more!

She rammed his head into the monitor, plucked its wires off the sockets and wrung it around his neck. His eyes were popping out but she couldn't have cared less. She grabbed the keyboard right beneath his squashed fingers and whacked him hard enough to crack his skull. The whole library seemed to float in his blood. Somehow, I was not touched by any of this goriness.

At that moment, she whipped out her OMG23 console and spun it high in the air. Gold and red of the console flashed so fast that it almost became invisible. A giant gust of air started rising from the ground and I felt a slight tug. Agent Kats had lifted me up with her and placed me on the window sill of the towering library. The view was absolutely breathtaking. I hadn't realized before that the roof of the library dome was so high... Wait, it wasn't, it just was Agent Kats. She wanted me to be safe from the rising blast of air and had elongated the roof higher. The guy was waking up and I began to wonder why Agent Kats wasn't doing anything. What if he escaped ?

!*

At that very moment, I saw it. A giant vortex began circling along the walls of the library. It was red........Oh! It was his blood! He was trapped in a vortex of his own blood that had been shed before! The spinning OMG23 console picked up speed and the blood-y air only gathered more momentum. The annoying guy was spinning rapidly, hitting the walls and knocking past spinning chairs and computers in the vortex. I could sense that the inertial forces were very high and he would never be able to get out of it himself. He was screaming, I could see, but nothing was heard over the OMG23 as it was emitting a high frequency noise not unlike rotor blades! It was almost hard for me to breathe.. I was feeling woozy just looking down upon the core of a giant vortex. Agent Kats looked at me and she knew it was time to end it. She flung herself high and landed unscathed right in the center of the core. She started spinning, reversing the curl like it was child's play! Boy, could she play with physics! I couldn't help but admire her even more.. She was creating her own vortex, the Kat-vortex. She began to rise while gyrating and was now alongside her console. The counter-rotating vortices had begun to merge into each other and the annoying guy was overstretched on all sides. The blood vortex and Kat-vortex formed a mixing layer of high viscosity. The geek who got stuck in this stratum began to feel the traction and was almost unconscious now. That's when Agent Kats stopped spinning and retracted her OMG23 console while hissing something deep to it. The second she did it, the highly turbulent vortices exploded and completely dissipated into thin air. The force expelled blew the glass house into smithereens. I was so sure I'd be the prey of all the exploding shreds of glass but Agent Kats knew not to hurt me. She had created a bubble of high polymer density around us and was smiling when I looked up. The dust was settling down and there were monitors, keyboards, and processors everywhere amidst the broken glass. The guy was nowhere to be seen around and I didn't want to know what happened to him. Agent Kats shrunk into her cocoon and floated towards me. I looked reproachfully at her reckoning the collateral damage she had caused. But she looked gravely at me and said “You know deep down that it had to be done” and she drifted right back into me.  She was right.. It was unbearable torture before Agent Kats had appeared that day.

Why do people provoke Agent Kats? Why can't they remain silent when they ought to? As much as I love seeing her time and again, its just painful in many ways when she leaves....But, nevertheless, Thank you Agent Kats...

aeroyogi

2-3-2012

!* From google images!