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This blog is named after one of my poems. Even thought its not the best of the lot, I just fell in love with those words- The Psyche Unknown...

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The big fat Indian wedding-1

I decided I will write a series of posts from now on about Indian weddings. According to me, its a waste of time and money. It tests your show-off skills, emotional quotient and it is the ultimate pressure handling test. Companies can use it as a tool to assess the candidates break down point.

They look grandiose, has a lot of merriment too but on the outlook. Do you know and/or believe the atrocities committed/undergone when a Hindu brahmin girl has to get married in India? I am not talking about the during-marriage phase yet, its the prior-marriage part of it. Let me list few of them for you. And of course we are talking about arranged marriages. I don't have to explain the concept since its got quite a reputation. Some favourable and some depiciting astonishment..

Of course, I am not saying all brahmin families are the same. As in case with anything, there are few exceptions but what is the fun in talking about them?? ;-) This tale could be of any ordinary or extraordinary brahmin girl. I cannot comment on other girls. But I guess its all the same. Lets talk about a happy little family which is not completely orthodox or has thrown all the traditions to the wind. A broad-minded loving family where the girl hasn't had too many restrictions.

The girl in question could be a graduate, a post-graduate or a doctoral degree holder. She can have the potential of being the next Sunita Narain, Naina Lal Kidwai, Indira Krishnamoorthy Nooyi or a Kalpana Chawla. But to the family that comprises of not just the parents, she is a mere mortal. An ordinary girl. Her dreams and goals could as well be treated like a mistake caused by her youthful zest and imagination! Once an ideal hindu brahmin girl makes a crime of turning 21 or 22 years old, all the aunties in the house start getting hormonically super active. Yeah, you read it right! The aunties of the house!
They all become mothers of the girl, crooning over her and start manipulating the actual mother's sensitive, scared brain and turn matchmakers at their own will without any prior consultation from the girl's parents. Oh yeah, forget the permission from the girl. Their estrogen production might have stopped ages back for good but the new estrogen rich kid in the block somehow activates the adrenaline in them and magnetically attracts them all like vultures towards meat! The uncles usually remain silent but on occasions they offer their advices nose-up in the air with a feeling that no man is born yet who can contradict them.
I remember a grand-uncle of mine telling "Good boys are like vegetables in the market. You go early in the morning, you get the freshest and the healthiest ones. You go by evening, you will have to settle for the rotten ones." Well, I so wanted to say "I'll go back the next morning". But I bit my lip. :-)

The poor parents in question, bound by the societal conventions now look into each others eyes. May be the only time after 25 years when they got married! But this time there is no pure, young romance in their eyes. Thy dread the near future. An overwhelming sense of danger is cast upon them. They fear getting into the "getting our daughter married" mode. But they treat it like a duty. A responsibility, which they were shouldered when they were born around half a century ago! They feel there is no escaping to it. If they fail to comply with the societial rules, they can be marked as bad parents. And they who have been the best of parents till then fear a black spot on their parenting record. They silently hold each others hands, once again may be after those 25 years when they first held it in their wedding, close their eyes and dive straight into the dark forces of horoscopes, matrimonial sites, Brahmana sanghas and of course the ever-helping relatives arms!

You can find a deep change in the way they talk to their girls. Fathers who treated their daughters more like sons, gave a high-five when they came back home in the evening, plotted together in pranks now start looking at their daughters more like- you-are-a-guest types. The mothers become unnaturally shrilly and start fussing about a simple acne that is sprouting on her daughter's face as though its a malign tumour that could kill her. Forget about sizes. If the girl does not look like a sleek designer flower vase, eternal doom is guaranteed! Lets talk about that later.

I will eat myself if a brahmin family does not look at horoscopes,the first thing, in times of crisis. Parents who generally do not believe in astrological influences start taking out the dusty old horoscopes of their daughters that was written when the girl was born. A natal record penned by a man, usually of whom the parents have atleast heard about, who people consider, to be bestowed with the knowledge of seeing the future. I do not know how, but this man can tell the exact year in which she will get married the day she is born. He can say which direction the groom will be found! I think the vicious process starts here. The quest begins with the aim of digging out the guy who had matching planetary effects when he was born. Wow, marriages here rely primarily on the day and time when the girl and boy was born!! Makes sense huh?!

Beat it, a man who is no way connected to the girl, sits in his private sanctimonious domicile feeling blessed about designing another human's life and people actually take his word on the girl's life. If he says the girl was born in the wrong time, she is chided after 21 years for not crowning out of her mother's cervix hours earlier or later! But if she did crown at the "right time" i.e something like during the fight of mars and saturn or during the mating of pluto and the moon for example then she can bring enormous fortune to the guy who holds her heart! I'd say who holds her dad's signed cheque book rather!

I am not saying this ancient study field is wrong or is senseless. I trust my country beyond any barriers. If some tradition/culture/a field of study was born in India, it definitely has a rational and intellectual dimension to it. If its been for so long, may be there is more to it.

Indian study of planetary movements dates back to the B.C's. Those noble men searched and found answers to several mysteries around human life. Those in the Vedic times(I don't claim to be an expert on Vedas, but having undergone few related lessons about religious history years ago, I can only think this as a probability.)wanted to know how man is related to the universe. They tried relating the microcosm and the macrocosm which research facilities all around the world are trying now! They predicted celestial phenomena which astronomers do today! Along with being brilliant astronomers, they were philosophers who tried to find the truths and tried to relate human activities to the celestial phenomena in the only purpose of finding a way to relate to the universe, beyond mundane. In that sense they became astrologers too. They couldn't be wrong in predicting the influences of planetary motions on natural disasters and human life. It is done even today but we know it with a different name! But what is happening today is men sheerly following a crude path to make a living. They follow a set of rules that has changed over the years to suit human needs. Today's astrology is something like an ABCD(American Born Confused Desi).

Is there someone who has actually studied the vedas completely and has full knowledge of the celestial occurrence? If so then he wouldn't be found on every other street of an Indian town. If so, he would be employed by the greatest research institutes in astronomy, meteorology and disaster management and the earthlings would never be less prepared for a disaster!

Now you are not expecting every Indian child's life to be predicted by someone like them, do you? Basing every important decision taken in a life on the word of someone who proclaims to know the heavenly bodies better than anyone else is outright foolish! What value does a person's will/desires hold then? If a certain star/planet/constellation was prominent a the time of birth, so be it. But how does it affect the later life? How does it determine a person's character?

Generally, in any hindu tradition for that matter, if the planet Jupiter is strong i.e in a certain position and the Mars is not creating any ruckus by being in the wrong position the girl is ready for marriage! Doesn't really matter if she is on verge of completing her thesis which could potentially cure cancer, she has to get married at that time or else she is doomed for loneliness, the rest of her life.

This is the point which brings parents to their knees. They would rather let the world die than conducting their daughters wedding after her thesis by which time Mr.Jupiter wickedly pulls out of his deployment! May be that is why there is still no cure to cancer! :P

Anyway the girl may well be ready to accept consequences. When so argued, the lectures begin. From every corner. At some point you will want companion blah blah... Agreed. Everyone needs a companion for life.. But who says if Jupiter decides to take a break form the same position, the girl cannot find a guy?! Of course if you are prioritize cast and creed, which is rather senseless, one would rather not bother after Jupiter decides to call it quits. And I wonder, how does Mr.Jupiter manage to act on all the billion hindus around the world? Why does it just stop being strong for a person? How can Jupiter be at the extreme of fitness for the person sitting next to you but be at the prime of infirmity for you?? Hundreds of girls are born at the same time. So all those hundreds should get married at the same time, with guys possessing matching planetary conjunctures at their birth time and in turn it implies that all of them will be found in the same place more or less. Right??
Oh we still haven't spoken about matching the zodiacs(rashis). How is it that constellations can be friends or enemies? And based on that humans getting married?! I am sure this was not what the Vedic people decided to pass on, atleast not in this way.

Ok will someone please explain that to me?!!

Ok, that topic can go on for days,. Didn't meant to write so much or get so serious! Pardon me. :)

The next step for parents would be to register their daughter in those money-minting small dingy offices calling themselves trusts and sanghas, in case they do not have "contacts" whose brother-in-law's, grandchild's maternal uncle's wife's sister-in-law's brother's son is available for marriage! Those old-fashioned staff in the offices set up rules that the house mates have to follow with no exceptions. A studio-picture where the camera man has a thousand lights on the girl who has no limits on her make-up and that photo which has been photoshoped with tens of editing steps clearly visible is the primary most requirement. The morons in there fail to realize that she is hardly gonna look like that daily! Mind you its not the groom's family asking for it yet!

Looking for the right guy. A brahmin guy. Parents who have never known internet, will become tech-savvy, register their daughters in all online websites, some named like 'asklaila' (doesn't it sound like a tabooed website or something? :P ) and start browsing the profiles of boys there!! I'm serious. It sounds rather gross, don't you think? The very concept of it makes me nauseous. Its the same case with guys I suppose too. The same parents who wouldn't allow their sons to check out a "girls website" and proudly tell everyone "Our son is such a good boy. He never looked at any girl also before, you know?" oblivious to their son's hidden talents, will encourage, flaunt and in fact use the technology to the fullest extent in browsing profiles and pictures of girls, commenting and having a good time of their lives! Hypocrits!!

I love bhel puri and dahi puri too! :P

There is more to it. Once they start finding interesting profiles, some coming from those dingy offices, comparison starts. Salary, Place of living, Status are the top priority. Mind you, at this stage, the horoscopes will mysteriously be matching and of course the relatives and parents-turned spies would have found the link in their contacts and would have extracted all the details of the boy! You see, in certain sects of brahmins, it is known that everybody within the sect is related one way or the other. Its like the pure-blood concept from Harry Potter series. Find the missing link, you find the true CV of the guy!

The entry of girl and guys still awaits. May be you first need to digest this post. I shall soon get back to you.;)

Tot ziens!



Ann said...

slapstick entertainment these matrimonial articles make ! n this one nails it ;)

good research wit astrology.. haha can imagine wt, tht certain 'graduate gal' had no other go! better to know what is up against ;)

fun read, waiting for more :D

chandru said...

wow.. tht was a really one..
had never read ur blog.. u hit the rite points..
good one..

Anil said...

Well written :) Many of my batch mate girls also used to say all these, and most of them are happy following their passion, let it be studies or job. And they are very glad that their parents did not stand against it. A few of them who are close to me said, "Now I understand my parents care for what I want, and I am lucky to have such loving parents :)"

spicysecrets said...

Finally someone who can articulate the thoughts of the younger generation in the best possible manner. Each and every word strikes hard and gets home the message clearly. Hope every Indian parent reads this and gets a cue out of it. I seriously don't understand the concept of arranged marriages. Your parents ask you to go out with someone whom you don't even know and all of a sudden you get married to him and now matrimonial sites. What is this?? Beautifully written article :)

MKB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bhaskar M. K. said...

he he he he, no comments:)
And congrats, cos u may be going through all these marriage activities ;). All the best, god bless you. he he he he:)

aeroyogi said...

Thanks all! :-)

@bhaskaran- no, not really.. :-) Just thought I'd voice my opinion about certain issues that I wanted to write from a long time. I mean people have got to realise certain stuff and stop following blindly.. :-)

Thanks for the blessings though..:-)

Ishwar said...

Nice post Swathi, I didn't know you blogged, now I have something to read on this mysterious AeroYogi of MVIT/Delft.. Nice post, makes me wonder how boys' lives are so much easier. I also wonder how the machinery of Brahmin society would run in the well oiled fashion if not for those marriage bureaus or whatever.
That one paragraph about the wisdom that Astrology originally contained was very well written.
I would still say you finish your thesis! What is it about? Cancer cure for jet engines? Just kidding..
Nice blog, keep posting!


aeroyogi said...

haha! a surprise u read it..:) yeah, no worries, m gonna finish my thesis... ;) cancer cures or not! :D

Ajay said...

hey.. luks like planets r getting aligned for ur marriage.. ssup? :)

hmm.. At last some one seconds my thghts..
Its not a problem only restricted 2 brahmin gals.. Its a problem which guys share too.. Guy starts earning or a gal turns 21 doesnt mean they cannot be alone

anymore. I

agree dat everyone needs smeone sometime. Dat doesn't call for a marriage.

Am not sayin all arranged marriages get screwed up but its such an old and baseless tradition [purely personal opinion]. Parents find a broker to find a

gal/guy for u. he gives them a bunch of products who match parents' specification. Parents show them to the poor soul who wouldn't want to marry in d first

place. Dis poor soul is expected to pick one n get ready to spend d rest of his/her life vth the one in d snap. It may work in some cases but not in

majority. Every poor soul should be given a chance to pick her/his friend/buddy/partner for life on her/his own.

Spend quite a good amount of time vth someone u r interested in.
Get to knw them well.
Make sure u need not lose urself or kill the other person's self by being gettin into a legal agreement of being together for life.
One loses being married is his/her individuality, His/her way of leadin life [Personal opinion again]. dat doesn't mean marriage is a suicide.. It can b if

u let the planets choose ur partners.

Parents r yet to come outta arranged marriage thing. At least they shud give a choice. I know rather hope it wud be very diff whn/if v parent.

aeroyogi said...

my planets can do their worst when they want! I really don't care.. :P Its not that arranged marriages are bad,most parents these days give a lot of freedom in choice, I think the process just needs a lot of refining. n yes, I hope too things get better when/if our time comes.. :-)

sundeep said...

Heee heee !!!! Looks like some planetary mis alignment for this 22 year old lady :D!! Come on get a life and get married :D!!! I am thinking about that poor soul on which the entire solar system is gearing up for a big revenge, for a reason that some one is 22 :P !!!

I dont know about kalpana chawla or any one but, i have seen a little more than few cases..where When parents are busy in this drama...almost the same thing that goes in every gals / guys mind at smwhr around this age will be this anti-marriage protest...;) !! And on an average 90% of them are settled ( i think happily) with a kid or two :D in couple of years....
People with little more patience and time end up writing such blogs...\m/

Now, i don't think majority of those parents force you to marry those proposals from watever matrimonial agencies they have access to...obviously with ther own filtering process and criterion according to their financial social abilit before they proceed.. Yes " its their responsibility"

ANDDD, i don't see any kannada song of "Kelade nimageega" types in reality..... and no one is stopping someone to find their own soul mate....if u are capable of ;) who is stopping you.... Now if your decision is screwed up, its all yours ;)...

Does being an ICON depend on you or your better half or not having one....Get eetz the TALENT !!!

Why does it all start at this age,

"Ayur nasyathi pasyatham prathi dinam,
Yathi kshayam youvanam,
Prathyayanthi gatha puna na divasaa,
Kalo jagat bakshaka "

Sounds good if in Sanskrit.let me not translate it ;) Also well supported by Gynec reasons :) and i can give you a big list!!

You dont find guy/ gal for yourself for few more years, and lots of things get older around you and simple words, life becomes a bit more tough.

And was wondering if, you need some assistance when you are do not want to find a better half yourself and you need your parents assistance. you expect the person who is ready for marriage to come in their dream ?? Ofcourse they need some advertisment :) !!

Concerning the vedas's , let me not better talk about it :), just because of few people taking advantage of it to fill their and their dependents poor stomach it doesnt mean that...ok i decide not to talk about that. All I can tell is, they need to get a proper address....But let me also say this one, to take care that you dont get into a relationship with someone one who is more than just related, there is a concept of Ghotra's (Modern day philosophy :the Rh factor and blood groups and some more parameters which shud match, otherwise affects the child in some sense).

So find a better match yourself, or let your parent do it for you, watever...Do it or get it done at the right age, before things get a little late :)

God bless you !!!
"Do not burn your existence..to satisfy your soul."

sundeep said...


There is one more comment from my friend who read this blog,

Some hope finally! Good to know that many 21-22 year old hudugees\ammaies\kutties\m├Ądchens are being readied for marriage! :)

I can't really say what's right or what's wrong... but I can certainly see what's been working for ages. As Astrology isn't what it used to be, similarly, caste system isn't also what it is now! Plus, most of us are so busy building European and American economies these days that we don't have time to follow the customs that make us what we are. This is exactly why we need to follow the caste system, if not for reservations, atleast for marriages. Each caste has its own practices and customs. Thus, the chance of that custom passing on is more if two people from the same caste marry. If people with different customs get together, then, there will be a conflict of interests, unless both agree to follow no customs. By that, they'd be following American culture!! ;) And, it is indeed our duty to see to it that our customs are preserved. But, in the name of being broad-minded we are forgetting that thing that makes us us, and I'm talking about customs, mind you, not caste!

And I do think the planets have something to do with our lives. Especially Jupiter. Mr. Jupiter, the biggest planet in our solar system Its total mass is 2.5 times that of all the other planets put together! Such a massive being will have an influence on us, like it or not. Infact, Mr. Jupiter is responsible for keeping us alive. His gravity is so awesome that he attracts all big comets and other debris and flings them away. Thus, he keeps us free of catastrophic events. Infact, he was responsible for clearing out all the debris that were around the inner planets thus making a clear path for them to orbit. Imagine colliding with massive objects every now and then!
Also we have no solid proof to say that Jupiter doesn't influence our characters! When it has helped earth be what it is, certainly it can influence our characters! For example, you are a libran and a typical libran characteristic is the willingness to speak. Generally you'll see Librans making good orators, lawyers and taking up such profession that needs speaking skills.
This is just one example! And when it comes to matching, zodiac gives you an easy way of choosing a match since you can look for a person with a particular character. For example, if you want people who are unpredictable, you can look for Aquarians. If you want people who have a leader-like-charisma, you can look for Leos. Thus, Zodiac can make your search easy. Of course it is being misused these days. But, thats not Mr. Jupiter's mistake!

Don't even get me started on arranged marriages!
Indian way of life has been from time immermorial the most amazing. Thus, if our ancestors have grown up with arranged marriage, of for that matter any other tradition\custom, there was a reason. Unless we find that reason, we won't be able to say if it was "waste". Going by the way we have lived, I'd say our ancestors were pretty damn amazing. For instance, in all history we are the ONLY country to not have gone into a war with any other country. We were invaded by Greeks, Mughals and British. But, we never went against anyone. Even now, we don't draw first blood against Pak or China who are eating into our borders. That is how we are.


aeroyogi said...

Ok since I got these reviews in a mail, i replied there but I think a summary here will be appropriate.Of course I will not mention all my answers but select ones.;)

I am not writing baout myself here. Its my view on this system in general. Its coinciding that I am 22. :p Been meaning to write it from long, did not get the write motivation until recently. ;)
(all those people I ahve mentioned are examples, no direct inference!)
""People with little more patience and time end up writing such blogs...\m/"" the world harbours and requires all kind of people u see! :P
I haven't mentioned anywhere that majority of parents force you to get married.. In fact I am talking about a family who hasnt had many reservations. I have taken one case which can be generalised. Plus my take on the wedding system is not over. I have left it at the initial stages yet. May you should wait to see the other posts too!
I agree its their responsibility but they needn't feel burdened and consider their ultimate goal in life. their kids can take care of tehmselves if needed. i have known girls who have physically, emotioonally, and financially helped their own marriages.
dude, did u read the condition i described in the starting of the post?? i am talking about arranged marriages only! its my view on arranged marriages and those who undergo the processes. Of course no one is stopping,. May be htey did not want to find one for themselves at that point of time?? Is that a possibility??
being a girl, I am very well aware of teh consequences of bearing a child late in life. I am also aware of the changes in a woman's body later on in life. But if she feels she is mentally not prepared for any of it, then is it right asking her to get into the cycle which not to mention affects her physical being??
few more years- I agree.. Remember, I am talking about a 21-22 year old girl here?? Is it that difficult for an educated, sensible girl to find a suitor when she knows she is heading somewhere in her career?? And I presume it will not take her 10-15 years to figure that out!
.I wish you dd speak about teh vedas. I want to know.Ignorant that I can be..
I know about the Rh factor and it is convincing that ghotras represent modern day Rh count..
But you know there is a slack side to it too. There are many marriages that happen within the same family amongst blood relatives who have different ghotras, I think you get it..maternal, vs paternal side n stuff.. is that ok??
define late here please...Atleast for me late would be 30+
And I htink you have got my idea wrong. I haven't said arranged marriages are bad anywhere... or that parents should refrain. i think it was more of ajay's views. I just think the sytem needs a bit of thought, sense and refinement of certain procedures. thats all!

aeroyogi said...

As for your mysterious friend who does not wish to post himself-:)

Going by the content I think its a guy and I shall refer to him. If its a girl, well, pardon me. I will not be surprised as I have met girls with persoanilites n views much more diverse.:)
""Some hope finally! Good to know that many 21-22 year old hudugees\ammaies\kutties\m├Ądchens are being readied for marriage! :)"" looks like you have been waiting yourself for one of them..lol! :)
So, we cant keep up our traditions if we go for inter caste/religious marriages?? We cannot follow what we believe in after marriage? More liek the opposite. There will be conflict of interests as u say only when its not sorted out properly before marriage. And why should you give up both customs? You can follow them both too.. We can learn to eb tolerant for the sake of our spouse right? Cos if we cant then clearly shows that we hadn't given the marriage a good thought right?
I think that would be doubly good cos your kid will get to learn yours and you spouses traditons/culture/customs. He/she will be much more tolerant, better informed and of course culturally rich. he can adapt to either surroundings and of course will carry it forward if taught well. If it doesn't turn out so, then its just that the parents did not put an effort to teach their kids which is another story!
if this theory is wrong, then we should be looking into our sub divisions while getting married. But most of the parents are happy if its just the same caste these days. So in that sense, muluknadu smarthas should not marry anyone other than muluknadu prospects, iyers should not marry any one other than iyer n so on. cos u see there are variations in the customs/festivals/traditions during those festivities even between these sects. I lived in a surrounding full of brahmins of different sects and I have noticed enormous difference amongst al of us.. so acc to u, ur supposed to preserve every custom of yours. if that is correct then how many guys and girls are available at the same time, whose horoscopes match(as it is required) and who will be compatible with each other in one sub-division of your caste? :)
I may be ignorant here, but who decided librans are wiling to speak? i for one am terrified of going on stage with a mike to give a speech. forget it, I am scared of giving presentations. i have enrolled myself here in activiites just to get out of that fear! i sucked at debate.. i speak through my pen may be(rather laptop :P) does that mean I am not a libran?? and this is not for argument sake, its true!
Oh Jupiter isnt a star and he is not a part of zodiac. If you derived that from my post, though i cannot see how. that question was differnt! :P and yes i am talking about the misuse only and how people fall for it.
I have never said its waste! I wouldn't dare say that.For the record, I beleive arranged marriages wrk better in most cases. (cases where the kids, especially girls are quite immature, which most of the time is!)
amazing?? liek for example with sati system?? or confining women to the house?? oppression when she failed to produce a male heir?? All these were a part of the marriage.
I cannot help sharing that feeling with you more! But I stand by my views about certain issues mentioned as well. :)

aeroyogi said...

Thanks to both of u for ur comments! it was good reading it! :)

Anonymous said...

Aeroyogi, if you want to eat today, you need to buy fresh vegetables today. If you are lazy and fine with starving today, you can buy them tomorrow. If you have missed this small but important point in your unexpressed riposte, you should re-read your blog to find more!

aeroyogi said...

@anonymous(again, although I don't understand why anonymous)-
I haven't missed the point. This is not a question of being lazy firstly and secondly yeah, some adventurous girls(the world might call them foolish) will be willing to starve a couple of days in order to live, learn and experience life more by themselves. Different traits, different views..isn't it? :)

Anonymous said...

hello the psyche unknown i liked ur article. but please preserve this article till ur 45th yr and then u give end to this article,cos at the time ur also parent for one or two so u can judge better, i am also mother for one daughter,now just ur 22 right,still u need to know what is life. You are taking only Indian brahmin girls,but it includes to all girls. All parents are same, caste,customs, traditions may differ but every parents ultimate goal should be their son or daughter should be happy. Not only girls face the problems but today boys and their parents also face the problems.

aeroyogi said...

Well, surprisingly, my mom said the same thing today too. She asked me to write about what I would think then at 45! Sure I will. And my dad said I am not the first or the last to write about this. Looks like he is also right! Too many experienced people talking the same way. :-) Thank you.. shows your concern towards the younger lot :-)
But things change, don't they? views, ideas, including life-it changes. SO why not live in the moment, plan for the near future and live life to the fullest instead of thinking Oh this is gonna be good for me when I am 45 cos I still dunno what life is all about!! When life has to teach you something it will..right? If one is ready to accept any problem, learn and grow out of it, if they possesses the confidence to face it all, then what is the problem?? they wouldn't feel sorry for themselves cos they knows that they did what they wanted to when parents said otherwise! Is that going to be so terrible?
But Glad that you liked my article :) and this is not the end of it. There are more parts coming up..I just don't have much time now.
And parents being concerned, surely they do. And its a good thing. May be some people are getting the wrong idea that I don't like parents involving themselves in this but its not so. I dont have complaints about that but some procedures. May be it will be clear once I finish the other parts.
Thanks though for reading it! :-)


Anonymous said...

and... the mysterious man is back from a small vacation... i'll keep myself mysterious, just to increase curiosity :P after all its curiosity that killed the car!
so, here goes...

no we cant follow what we like after marriage... especially if each tradition is so different! of course, if you dont give up both customs and are able to follow them thats fine... but... most often than not, we hardly find time to do the bare minimum! that is how we now have poojari voices recorded on mp3 format played from an ipod with a bose speaker reading out instructions to change poonal on upakarma day!
and you talk about ABCDs... a similar thing will happen to kids born to two diff culture following parents... but, this is rare phenomenon coz the parents would've long ago ditched their traditions in the name of being modern... but, still if they exist, then, the kids will be in a fix as to what they should do or shouldn't! this is especially true if religions are involved! given the role of the grand parents in the upbringing of the kids, each side will teach the kid to do things according to their customs... and this is confusion! chaos if you could say so...
being tolerant isn't the point here... the point is keeping our customs alive... the moment we start talking about tolerance, then, nothing comes in that way... you can of course lead a good life.. but, the definition of good becomes so different.

the problem with parents being satisfied with ppl of same caste is this tolerance... at least there is this guy who does sandhyavandane once every day... at least this guy doesnt eat eggs... at least this guy doesnt mind going to temples... this is proof that good people are running out fast!! that is the reason why they insist on early marriage! i mean, why can't one get married at 21-22? whats the big problem? you can still find a guy who will respect your interests and let you do what ever you want to right? is that so difficult? if so, can you imagine how difficult it would be when you are say 30ish to find some one?

you being a libran (sun sign?) and not being able to talk on stage may have to do with some other chunk of gas\matter circling the sun. I'm not an expert on these stuff... i've only read Linda Goodman's Love signs for the gyaan i have :) of course your skills with laptop n language can be attributed to u being the libra... but as i said, theres more to it than meets the eye!

hmm... what we dont entirely understand, we can't really comprehend. for example Sati system... Sati, as we know is the forceful burning of widows along with the remains of the husband... but, Sati really was someone who voluntarily immolated (or was ready to do so) herself on her husband's pyre. remember sati savitri?
there was some credit to such a person which later on like many other practices became a forced thing (misuse?)... but, the origins of this systems can be traced to preventing wives from poisoning their husbands (I don't know why they would do that, and i also dont know why the "rule" wasn't applied to guys)... but only one thing is clear... we just dont know. we dont know why there was child marriages, why there was a caste system, how people were categorized into different castes, we dont know why the moguls came into India... we dont know how they treated the Hindus (all except Akbar are known for their hatred towards hindus)... who knows what drove ppl to do things they did and over time that practice became a ritual and stayed on though the conditions weren't the same...

so now, my question is... why do you think marriage at 21-22 isn't good?
and out of curiosity, what does aeroyogi mean?

aeroyogi said...

n aeroyogi is back from the marooned island called exams!
well, i was into too much aeronautical stuff n yoga+other spiritual stuff wen i created this id..so aero-yogi, also read some one who meditates on aero..
well, u might laugh but I was an over enthusiastic kid then! :P n somehow it grew on me.. so continued using it..:)

well, for ur first para, i already mentioned that i am talking only about people who want to and have kept their traditions alive.
good people accordin to u r the ones going to temples, not eating eggs n doin sandhyavandhane? then i must say we think poles apart! COnsidering ur view, they are running out fast??
where?! how!?why?! whats happening to them? and no one ever to replace them?! :-o
m not saying girls cant or shouldnt get married at 21-22 yrs.. in my view, its a lil too early..thats all.. n its not the question of findin a guy who will "let her do wat she wants".. Its about not having the guy say "do whatever you want after marriage" cos she already is doing it n has to do it for her satisfaction! its about independence, about learning!
practically at 21-22, a girl is still fresh out of college mostly, cannot think as independent as she prob wil have to n will not have the ability
to cope with things that can go wrong alone as until then, she is well protected and nurtured by everyone around her. Of course i am nt sayin they r helpless at
that state but I'm sure u get what i mean.. U can think of urself at 21-22 yrs. U think u could have married then?! IF you think you couldn't why do u think girls should? Now after facing ur "silver jubilee" you feel confident n wanna settle down albeit ur worries about other things.. girls r no different. Tey shud get exposed to the world. Its gonna make them stronger! loka-gnana is what they will be lacking before or at 21 to a large extent with few exceptions!! and in this era, u need that to a great extent to be successful outside the house! After marriage one can develop it, but again she will be in the protective shadow of her husband.
When will she knw how it is to fall witout support and yet learn to balance? and she has to know that, cos life isn't always gonna be a smooth ride! dont u think? :)

Oh I wouldn't blame the women who wanted to poison their husbands. :D Generally no woman wud wanna do that. Especially olden days. If she did then you can imagine the kind of "husband" the man was! :P
About other practices, well, it turned out ugly and men only used it to suit themselves..thats bad enough.
I think i answered the other parts too! :)

Anonymous said...

I'm not defining a 'good person'... but i'm saying that we aren't doing anything to save our way of life! we're changing into a place with lots of corporate big heads having no time for even their families! this, is the present state... from a country where people thought it was a bad thing to cross seas and go elsewhere, we're now having a big population overseas studying, working, doing business, managing F1 teams and what not! That is not keeping tradition alive!

as a 21yr old... i think i was ready :P but, the prob is that the boys are expected to have a job and 'settle' before they can take up grihastha responsibilities... the gals on the other hand, have no such obligation! so, i'd say, make use of it!!

early is the key word. it doesnt mean at 21-22, just after college. it means before you are too 'mature'! because, believe me, the more you learn, the more you will wanna run away to the Himalayas in search of 'truth'.

about traditions\bad practices and stuff, i cant really talk because i dont know enough!

however, I still believe that what the folks back home decide, would be really correct. i mean, come on... they've chosen what school we go to, what clothes we wear, what food we eat and probably even what majors we take for grad. and by the look of it, we've turned out pretty damn good!

aeroyogi said...

hmmmm... no doubt parents know best n i again repeat, m not against arranged marriages. I have seen them work better than love marriages..a chance to explore oneself and as u said "find truth" is what should be granted. I agree once in the outer world, it gives u a sense of foreboding, and its gonna be like that, in fact more unknown n scary, unless u face it.
and talkng about grihastha dont u think these days its almost become necessary for both partners to work considering the economy? n is it not just in such a situation to give the girl a chance to get a head on about how things work before stacking all the responsibilities at once?

but ok, if u look from ur angle then, life is a lot more simpler, easier, carefree and of less worries...depend on the guy to face it all n just go with the flow..hmmm...that should be actually very comfortable...but i am one of the weirder sub species i suppose! :D