The white of sunlight reflected on the gravelly surface of her refuge.. Her empty eyes were transfixed on the shadows induced by the thick leafless branches of the tree which stood close. Random lines on the low roof of the cave seemed like an artist's conspiracy to her.. Her mind fluttered incessantly within the deeply tanned skin and what she felt like burnt flesh. She tried to figure out the engrained puzzle on the wall while a moth beholding spring flew about with full spirit over her grizzled hair.
She never dreamed of this. She never wanted it in the first place. But yet there she was, desiring something she knew she had lost, aching for something she knew she probably never would have got in the first place and hoping against hope that the reality was false.
For someone who lived mostly in an unreal world, the truth seemed harsher than she had known it to be. Illusions of mind were dangerous. Building bridges across the playful musings of her conscience and reality proved to be catastrophic. She should have understood that long ago. As endearing as her fantasies were, it was time to give them up now.
Her self-loathing had reached an unsettling level. Somehow she abhorred herself more for not being able to understand what was on the wall rather than what had happened that day. Trying to give it a meaning seemed very important at that moment. Trying to attach significance to every slope in life was important to her. She didn't mind the blinding light that encroached her cave, her senses seemed to have hidden in the darkest corners. This wasn't a first. For the second time her fort had been torn down in the most similar way and although she looked less naked than earlier, she felt more assailable than ever. Anguish appeared to tear her apart in slices.. so much that her song which never left those pale pink lips was lost somewhere in her swarthy thoughts.
The shadows began to creep on to her agonizing thoughtless air castle, ridiculing her existence and purpose. That infuriated her.. Mockery was something she couldn't tolerate. She would have to just rebuild her fort elsewhere. She would have to walk strong again. She would have to emerge armor-clad for the next battle. She wouldn't give up. It was those playful colors in her mind that had made her stronger after all.
Or so she thought..
She walked out of her cave and lurched through the rubble around to find what she had lost. She needed her imagination to survive the lonely flight of life. Her clothes were ragged and her face was distraught. Fatigue and fear pulled her back but she fought. She would continue dreaming, for that was one place she needn't fight for survival, one place where objects moved at her command. She would find solace. Probably a little late but she definitely would! She would build her fort stronger this time, may be laced with some guile. A fort that couldn't be torn apart but only conquered. And if someone cared to try and succeed she would embrace reality. A thought that she couldn't fathom for now. But that was the only way. She would search for that better place, be it atop the highest mountain or along the deepest ocean. A place that she could fantasize without seeing the end. A place which would heal her reality. She had to be patient for it would reap what she yearned for.
The descending sun played tricks with her eyes. She thought she saw water rippling beside the cave. She collapsed on her knees when she saw the golden-white hooves of a centaur majestically strolling across the banks of the lake. The greenest of forests behind him with the twilight aura lighting up the dew drops like diamonds on leaves and the coolest of breeze brushing away her bruises. Her skin began to glisten fairy-like and her smile was returning. She knew nor cared to check if it was real, for she was in a place far blessed than the mortal world had ever delivered. Her rags disappeared and she sat high on the same branch of the same tree. She could see her fort walls towering high by the second at a distance, stronger than ever. She smiled. She would mend... in her own way.....
aeroyogi
9/5/2011
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