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This blog is named after one of my poems. Even thought its not the best of the lot, I just fell in love with those words- The Psyche Unknown...

Monday, November 22, 2010


Its a hard life
To be a tough girl
But deep within
You have not been here.....
Its a dirty kind of love..
You don't need it anymore
Let your heart have a rest
Its been broken so many times before..

I dunno what Crucified Barbara team had in mind when they wrote/sang this song...It was accidental that I heard this song today but it impressed upon me that this is so true; for so many girls in so many different ways... whatever the band intended, they wouldn't in their direst imagination conceive the ideas that are currently running in my mind..I somehow can't express all my musings here and be assured, you don't want to stand amidst my thought processors sometimes. You will burn out by the mere heat emanating from it, forget swimming in the bus systems.
But yes, being a tough girl isn't an easy job. Her mind has been tampered with many times in many ways and she has survived it all. She derived strength from those moments. But somewhere close to the mind-(I no longer believe in the concept of hearts, Its always, ALL IN THE MIND!)- tougher the girl, stronger her are emotional minuses. To the world she might be a daredevil, but once her deepest negative emotion is stirred, she can destroy everything she built for herself through her emotional foolishness. She can embarrass herself when ought not to, she can forget her goals, dreams, ideals and every other thing that actually matters to her when pricked at the place where it hurts. Strong girls aren't always strong! All you have to know is the cave she always avoids when she goes hunting. Finding that may be a little difficult, but once known, she is your puppet!

I recently had a chat with some Indian girls and their predicament was the first thing that struck me when I heard this song. I will talk about Indian girls only here cos I haven't come across a girl from the western world who seemed to fit into the description below.
There are a lot of Indian girls who are quite brave. Those who dare to dream, those who dare to pursue and those who have a vision in life. But most drop out of it early in life. Let me share few facts, I'm feeling generous.. Most Indian girls-strong or not have a common emotional negative-Parents! I call it a negative cos its the emotion towards them is always in excess. Its like a combination of all emotions in one bundle that is way too much for the bag to handle and hence is overflowing. Indian girls are capable of feeling/showing love, gratitude, hate, resentment, desperation, obedience, depression, anger and respect, yes RESPECT towards their parents all at the same time. How a simple frown on the parents' faces can melt even the toughest of girls!

Indian girls have always had a rough run since ages. Our western counterparts might have endured it in the past(quite minimal when compared to Indians), but I don't think there is a cause for worry anymore for them. Things have changed a lot in the recent. But for the desi girls, its restrictions, parental/peer pressure and a million other requirements to be the best of the lot. The worst part is these work effectively in creating a negative aura around the girl and only when triggered by the parents! The mentality is such that the parents do not let go off one day in her life without reminding her of her bounds, duties, flaws and requirements. Probably its this emotional scar that was created at her birth that fails to keep the tough girl going tough! Some obligation, some acceptance to defeat, some unknown finality that she always knows she would have to bow down to.

“For the first time in my life today, I truly despised being a girl. There have been times in the past when I have cursed/wished I wasn't born a girl. They were silly and stupid. But it was only today that I realized the implications of being born an Indian girl.” The friend I was chatting with poured out to me. Listening to her story, I felt she was acting a lil' stupid! All her parents did was to Skype her with a frown on their faces about her recent decisions of going abroad and the related issues. She had broken down..rather they had broken her down. A girl of grit was now in pieces. And the main reason? They had thought of getting her married! I thought it shouldn't be a big deal. After all, it takes time for everything. She'd still have time. But then she asked me to stand in her shoes. I did. The situation I then saw was different,scary! And yes, horrible. Imagine you are 22 years old with truckloads of dreams and visions for the future and you are asked to follow a guy(of course after the marriage!!!) wherever he goes and that too across continents. The girl is allowed to study/work but, choice limits to the options in the city/state the guy lives. Its hard when a parent doubts your abilities and points out a recent “mistake in decision”, turns all droopy eyed and sore-throaty and adds few sentimental statements that pinch you cold and hard like Holland's rain.(The ultimate one being “Our destiny, this is the fate we have been entitled to” in the most despairingly vacant voice and a deep expression of resignation etched on their face.) Its hard to maintain your go-get-it attitude or kick-the world-in-the-shins demeanor or your I'll-live-the-way-I-want confidence or for that matter your come-what-may-I'll-fulfill-my-dreams enthusiasm. I realized when she said it..its all crushed by one statement from the other end. And this works only on Indian girls I think! I can't see the western counterparts falling for such acts. The bond/attachment/what-the-hell-ever it is, runs high and fast only in the Indian girl's veins I guess. It is easy to break strong girls eh? Those girls who are actually capable and enthusiastic of doing something worthwhile with their lives rather than just getting married and continuing the tribe. Parents may not knowingly en-cash it but they do!

And along the same lines-I don't understand some of the traditions that have been followed since times immemorial, across different parts of the world. (Okay you might have come across exceptions, but that is not the usual..) Why is it that, the woman is asked to relocate with her man? Why is it that she is required to change her last name to his family name? Why is it that always her options depend on the guy's situation?? I know things change when there is a kid involved because the maternal hormones are hell more prominent than anything else in this world.. But why until then is she always limited?? They say girls and boys are treated equally these days. Whoever says that are BSing..BIG TIME.... I have loads of other questions-most for which I know the answers that lead to greater BS. I don't think you should come any closer to the processors now!
Deeply rooted blind and biased belief systems, unchangeable mentalities, fear of questioning elders, exceptional respect for elders, exceptional expectations from the children-all these not seen in the western world runs like blood in the body in Indian ménages. I dunno if it should change or if it ever will (I do hope it does to some extent in all families and not just the rich and fancy) but all I know is strong girls have their weaknesses. Those who are capable of exploiting it(a.k.a parents), do so. But if the girls can hold on to their senses for those exceedingly excruciating moments of emotional torment, then it is definitely possible to find a way out of every black hole! After all, girls who dare to dream also dare to cross hurdles and usually are equipped with a bit of common sense and a talent to leap over troubles!
And now, I hear another apt song on the radio-Lindsay Lohan's “That girl was me”.. :) This one is also so damn true! Drama queen or not..Check it out.....Let the lyrics inspire and the music re-energize you...

“There was a girl I knew who always wanted to be the one to stand out from the crowd
Always believed that she was gonna live her dreams
That what went down was gonna come around
For all the doubters, non-believers, the cynicals that once were dreamers
One of these days you'll open up your eyes
And you'll realize

That girl was a one time teenage drama queen
A hot, tough everyday wannabee
But she'll have changed her destiny 
Now she's a somebody
That girl was a wild child dreamer but she'll find herself
'Cause she believes in nothin' else
And you'll look back and you won't believe
That girl was me

Armed with an attitude that she knows how to use
She's gonna get there any way she can
Now she knows what she wants

No one is gonna stop her
Nothing's ever gonna hold her back
For all the doubters, non-believers the cynicals that once were dreamers
One of these days you'll know that you were wrong (who would've know) [Chorus]

Life is a work of art- you gotta paint it colorful
Can make it anything you want
Don't have to stick to any rules
You don't need a high IQ to succeed in what you do
You just gotta have no doubt just believe in yourself
Doubters, non-believers, once were her dreamers
One of these days you'll open up your eyes
And you'll realize [Chorus]"



Anil said...

Hope your thoughts get an opportunity to realize in our society!

spicysecrets said...

Hmmm.. Indian parents need to grow up may be.. If they wanted their kid to do everything they wanted to, they shouldnt have gotten a kid. They must have bought a slave- not a kid! Once the kid (be it a guy or girl) is 18 years old, parents need to let them independent and let them live their lives. I dont care if it turns out to be bad. Everything is an experience- hope parents understand it :|

Am a guy by the way :D

aeroyogi said...

nice to see two guys responding first to this post! :)
Hope is the only thing left guys..lets see...

Rohan said...

I totally TOTALLY agree with you and seeing this difference right through my eyes right. I went to the UK in 2009 October for further studies after living in India for 23 years and BOY O BOY are girls here different..

They have their own point of view, own way of enjoying life and they are BOUND with NOTHING..ABSOLUTELY NOTHING..Although there are many things about Indian women in India which hold their ground against the phoren women..but these girls here sure know how to have fun and are so carrer oriented rather than 'Commerce karnege, Shaadi karenge and Majja karenge' most girls in India have.

Secondly I blame the Indian guys too for expecting too much out of their wives. I would never force her to move where my job is, I can move where her job is too, I would never ask her to cook/dishwash all the time, we can share that too.

A guy and a girl are totally similar in their rights they should get, either as husband/wives or girlfriend/boyfriend or as friends.

There is nothing in this world a guy can do and a girl cannot and I hope one day 'India' realises this.

Anyway !! Its people like us who can change all this India.. Let every kind of gender discrimination go the first gutter we find and live a life of peace, harmony and fun :D

PS: Sexy Post !!:D

aeroyogi said...

Hey Rohan,
Thanks for the comment! I think with this generation atleast things will begin to change.. :) *hope*

The Fallen Poet said...

amazing, very thoughtprovoking write...i did see my sis go through this...but she somehow convinced my parents...and now she is one of the most successful people in our family...its high time for people to change their opinions about girls...good write

aeroyogi said...

Thanks again! and yes, I hope your sister's story and likewise of few others inspire many other people..