All I have...

Out that window, I watch them so pretty

Little flakes of snow, so flossy and naughty,

Woolen socks and nasty boots I adorn,

Gone with the wind were those thoughts forlorn.

I spring to the streets with a song so mush

But merry tiny blobs, I see, masquerades in slush

I slip and I grip that twig I thought was a brick,

Fallen and bruised….. Am I the nature’s trick?

I stand upright though pickled and grime,

The tot down the lane finds mirth in mime,

Admonition from the guardian echoes so shrill,

My song is lost amidst the needles of chill.

It was a song, a lyric of dreams,

That penned beside those lovely streams,

Day and night had I buried as one,

Those flakes I thought, would deliver me from the run.

As much as I flaunt a soul so callous,

Daunting is the current that unfolds so brumous,

A crowded desert is no place to find that one twin,

A domicile less overt is no trail to trace in the din.

I flounder in that slush with that song in the core,

Straining to hear the clucks of hooves and more,

Those dreams are all I have with me willed,

A hit or I miss; the lyrics are regardless spilled…

aeroyogi

10/12/12

Life in Netherlands- Part 9 - Met vriendelijke groet...

It was 2 am on a slightly wet Sunday. I was on top of the library dome as I had been on several occassions. I had returned from one of my midnight strolls around the campus. Those familiar routes that I took during the day always seemed so different, so warm and welcoming when the lights had faded.

Like more often than never, the slope was deserted at that hour. I climbed up top and stared at the horizon. The lights from the green houses far east reflected in the sky making it look golden even at that hour of night. Many students of science still ensured that the EWI and 3ME facades shone brighter than the stars. A bunch of clouds heading from the south-west were setting out to blanket the few constellations that were visible from up there. The grass was as soft as ever and the night couldn’t  be more silent. I loved it, as always. I laid down on that amazingly well manicured grass. Perfect time and place to let out my thoughts and get some answers from the cosmos.

That one friendly slope..

But as I lay on the green bed of solitude, peace and unspoken acquaintance, I realized that it was probably the last time, in a while atleast, that I was going to be up there. Earlier that week, I defended my thesis and hibernated for two straight days. I had crossed the finish line, something that was just a dream and a doubt for a long time and it hadn’t even sunk in yet. It had been a long, incredible journey. A tiresome one, in more than one way. Unlike most, I had a lot more to account myself for than just exams and grades. Just about 45 days short of a 3 year stint in this resplendent country was coming to an end. And what an experience it had been!

Many vivid memories, good, bad and the ugly ones flashed by. Those rebellions, the countless arguments, that unmeasured amounts of blood, sweat and tears that had been shed in the past 4 years were all coming back. And as if to compensate, there was the pure joy when I realized I was finally doing what I wanted to. The brilliant opportunities I got, the fantastic friends that I made, the wonderous sights I saw, the incredible lessons I learnt both in and outside class, those many experiments-some that succeeded and most which failed...Wow! It was in this country that I learned what life was all about.. A place where I felt more like an engineer...A place where I could break from the shackles of blind theism that had only lead me downhill.. Most importantly this is where I made peace with my inner self and I cannot do justice in describing that one feeling here.

That one canal..

As these thoughts gathered, I saw a satellite cross above me. I loved following them as long as my gaze could hold. That globe of dark clouds was engulfing a lot quicker and the satellite prompltly disappeared behind it. My thoughts went back to all the places I‘d miss around there. Through out my studies, I often heard complaints from people about Delft. Facts like it is very small and uneventful compared to bigger cities of Holland cannot be disgraced. Nevertheless, it remains a beautiful little city especially once you know it well. Some spots of this historic city would always remain with me for the sheer support it lent with its beauty. The Oostport, the library rooftop, the canals that ran throughout the city are all sublime designs to calm a rampant mind. It would be impossible to forget the destressing late night walks and the jogs around these places, especially after hectic lab hours during the last few months.

I was shaken from this riviera by Holland’s trademark drizzle. Enough to send your lazy bottom in search of a roof but not enough that you’d have to change into warmer clothes! I smiled realizing it had stopped bothering me over the years and in fact, I slightly enjoyed it. I sat up straight and just soaked in that scene for a while longer. I did not want to get down that slope that night. TU Delft’s library (by the way, ranked as the 4th coolest library in the world ;)) had been a friend of sorts to me. It had played host to a lot of birthdays, coffees, exam preparations, a few beers, sun-sets, star gazing, philosophical and scientific debates, heart-to-heart conversations, snow-fights, yoga and meditation on warm mornings and so much more! It had seen me blunder, heard my musings, responded to my ruminations in ways I can’t describe and at the end always elevated my senses! I’d miss that place most of all.

I eventually headed downward letting gravity do most of the work. TU Delft logo caught my eye from across the street and I realized how incredibly lucky I was to have been under that umbrella. I wouldn’t choose another place for studying! I wished I had only done my bachelors there as well. Time and again I have envied those who have been able to finish their entire studies in Delft. That night was no different. I remembered the remarkably awe-inspiring minds I met there, things I learnt from them, the ideas I exchanged all of which transformed me into something I wished for when I left home. I had gotten what I asked for- An experience of a lifetime and knowledge transcending mere coursework. And I wished I could have stuck around for longer but then it reminded me of something I read a while ago- If you begin to get too comfortable with a place, you know its time to move. It was better to do so while I still could. As I had learnt in Holland, life is very short and the world is too damn big and exciting for a human to be holding on to one impression.

Holland had shown its varied facets to me over these years. For an oddball that somehow managed to hop out of the well, it had been kind sometimes and not so much the others. But each time, it only made me stronger. And for that I will be ever grateful. And now, even as I type this sitting about a few hours away from the place that had become my second home, I cannot help but feel distant and desolated.

I kept postponing this article because I wanted to give this series a grand ending but nothing seems to harmonize with the spirit inward from a long time. Evincing a myriad of emotions pertaining to this journey has been harder than I thought and I do not want to conclude this series. I shall pause for now.. May be there is another life here... May be there is more, or may be some day I will unearth that psyche unknown who can verbalize better...

For now dear Holland, Tot Ziens!

Oostport

aeroyogi

13/10/2012

Life in Netherlands- Part 8- Dutched...

Life in the past 3 years in this country has taught a lot...Including adapting to new cultures and places...Being in a completely different cultural setting proved to be scary, exciting, enriching and rewarding. From wondering how I’d live here for 2+ years by just smelling pancakes at the airport to enjoying them in their entirety has been such a revelation on various levels. It is nearly impossible to jot down all experiences here in detail. So here I note, just some random musings, pointers, observations, experiences of nearly 3 years in the country of windmills (which, by the way, is such a cliché!) - all bundled in that little part of the brain that handles memories. Systematic, chronological extraction from source not guaranteed.

(Blogspot is giving me a hard time getting the photo locations right. Will upload some to this barren article as soon as I can fix it.)

• It is gonna be hard to appreciate any internet speed less than 30 mbps after living in Holland.
• Love the endless miles of cycle and pedestrian paths in this country.
• I couldn’t have asked for a better Aerospace faculty anywhere! The facilities, student teams, the opportunities, getting to learn from some of the great minds of today….I bow down…
• I will forever remember the day I sat in an aircraft cockpit for the first time… and it was a real F-16! J Even though the engine is stripped down for studies, it is the most striking thing on the campus.
• But the new mementos of scientific innovation across the campus with description are pretty damn cool too!
• Talking about cool places, the Fellowship is an awesome concept.
• The structures lab hosting every single part of an aircraft for individual studies- Wow!
• The magnificent horse drawn carriage carted by a beautiful Dutch woman, which passed in front of the faculty every Sunday morning with rays of summer light penetrating through the long line of trees - The most beautiful scene ever on a very mundane day! Watched this every week from across the street…
• I first look to the left and then my right before crossing a road as opposed to what I followed for nearly 2 years since I came here. It was a habit that wouldn't die soon given the years of training in school and home to survive Indian roads. “Look to the right, look to the left and then cross the road….” Well, it was a hard change, but I got there.
• Barbecuing seems like a natural thing to do even if the tiniest bit of sun rays creep in. Yes, despite the fact that I stay away from meat, the concept, the people, the spirit....I love it all...
• The only response I got for “Which meat goes into a Kroket?” was “I don’t know..I actually don’t wanna know!”… Every single time I asked!
• A veggie Kroket in between a bun with mustard sauce + milk was my lunch on many afternoons. I made some of my Dutch friends really proud! 
•  I finally got the Dutch ‘G’ sound right! J
• My Turkish friends will wince at this but I still thank them for the Falafals. However bad you think the taste has been compromised in this country, the Doner stalls have been my safe haven. I could not have imagined my life without them here!
• Japanese wok, Vietnamese loempia, German Schnitzel, Italian coffee, Turkish pizzas, Dutch Pancakes and Oliebollen dipped in ground sugar- I have devoured you all time and again and you have pleased me much beyond my expectations. Thank you. 
• It floors me that a country which sells French fries by the kilos manage to look like atheletes.. Yes, the entire country!
• After being protected by parents, TU Delft international office for a long time, I did understand the difficulty of finding a house and furnishing it.
• I do know the existence of a thing called TV… We had one in the “common room”. We switched it on, on the day we got it (for ‘gratis’ by the way) and then again on….… well, that’s about it.
• Despite the fact that I will forever beat me up around this episode for some memories; I did learn how to fix a flat tyre!
• Speaking of bikes, I will never forget the day I saw this really old couple cycling hand in hand across the canal with such happy, old, toothless, wrinkly smiles on their faces that definitely glowed brighter than Holland’s sun!
• And talking about unforgettable strangers, the guy in the train from Arnhem who travelled on my OV discount card, the old lady at Dominos one evening-talking about all the amazing things she had done in her life, the potters in Delftse Hout, the nomadic hippie couple that gave away free tickets, a stroopwaffel and some awesome stories at the dead of night waiting for the trains, the falafel guy who made my dinners at reduced prices on most evenings… You will all be remembered for inspiring me in your own way..
• Heineken is overrated!
• Douwe Egberts coffee in the machines sucks!
• Multivlaai is a must-try!
• Magnificent French Chardonnay + long walk to the lab + music = A walk I will remember.
• That one night I couldn’t stop smiling, cycled back in air and guttled paratas+channa like never before in my life- I shall remember. ;)
• All the amazing food, drinks and company in those tens of potlucks, pub-crawls and shindigs: Strangely, I cannot remember all the details!
• Amsterdam doesn’t mean “Eurotrip” experience only. It is quite a vibrant, culturally and technologically advanced city otherwise too.
• And the Dutch are not stoned most of the time contrary to the popularly thought. In fact amongst all the people I knew here, the Dutch were the least number of smokers.
• Netherlands has the highest population density but visibly lesser number of people at any given point in space and time.
• Those bridges that go vertical always cracked me up! Don't ask why!
• A calm country with no potentially harmful idiosyncrasies that threaten its security or image. You will find it to be a technology and research oriented country with a rich set of highly educated/ qualified individuals.
• One does start feeling the spirit of 'Orange' as time goes by. One will not mind wearing the bright florescent Orange gear out on streets! One has to witness Queen's day-that is when you see how crazy the Dutch can be! It is like one day of the year they are allowed to be who they actually want to be as opposed to who they should be!
• Constant rain will be the only companion you can trust completely to be there with you irrespective of your desire.
• Finally, Oh, dear Holland! Thy be Blessed! For I shall cherish the impeccable sculptures that your sons are...Tall, blond, blue-eyed, those torsos and legs born out of constant cycling…Sigh…Many of your sons have sent my friends and me giggling away happily on several occasions. You have raised them well.  Your daughters too, but you would understand if I spoke more about your sons now, wouldn’t you? 

aeroyogi

10/08/2012

He called me a gal..

This is for a friend... Hope you find your redemption, Cinderella! :)

Baggy tracks and unthread brows,

A punch and thump, for all I was known,

No gloss, no roses, had ever caught my eye,

Every guy in town was a buddy of mine.

Then he comes, he comes like a man,

The doors were held and the stairs were fanned,

Hard enough to stand, this unusual tenderness,

Fuddled I talk, like a drunken pan.

I danced to his tunes, his tunes so mesmeric,

His voice so deep and the eyes that flashed

He called me a gal, a gal in real,

I could bow to the man, as I would to none.

He exudes elegance, gentle and strong,

I was stormed from the weight of the crown,

My rolled up sleeves and torn jeans so wrong,

Were just like that of the ol’ guys downtown.

I knew not this feeling, for it was surreal,

Thence, I mess up with my hallmark blow,

I am reminded, the ugly duckling that I am,

I holler for more, like the gates of a dam.

He turns away, repelled and appalled,

I smile, cos’ I know he was galled,

I excise the spirit that steered him away,

Leaving the memory, fresh like in May.

A wise world, for I see it now,

A new start, for I make it now,

Forever, will that gentleness touch-

that hoyden who adored it so much.

aeroyogi

13-7-2012

Agent Kats is back! (Story-3)

For those who are reading Agent Kats series for first time, please note that it is always semi-fictitious and I have NO violent bones in my body! Any resemblance to living, dead, zombies or what you (might) sometimes feel is truly-swear-by-my-thesis unintentional. To know more about Agent Kats, please drop by here and here.

In the most unexpected of moments, Agent Kats just popped up today! She is such a ray of sunshine when days get all monotonous and tiring due to unbeatable, increasing-by-the-second pile of work. Of course I try not to get her involved too much but some days you just canNOT help but use brute force!

There is a reason why they call it the 'silent room'. If I wanted atrocious, unsynchronized, senseless pounding in my ears, I might have as well waited to make my report in the middle of Dames square on Queens Day. I was working in the extra-silent section of the library so as to reach my highest concentration and productivity levels on a rather dark, drowsy Sunday afternoon right before Spring break. You can imagine how easy that must be! Well, it was almost as if I had the entire library to myself barring few other oddballs like me. And it seemed like I could do a lot that day.....

And then enters a lanky, tall, brown-bush-haired, annoying version of Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, you can imagine that as well I suppose! I knew him generally and a genius that he is, his parents have my respect for conjuring a super-brain and putting it in his head; really. But its ends there. A self-obsessed, arrogant, insolent, nonchalant creep that he was, he had to pick the spot right behind me. And as if all the charming qualities he possessed weren't enough, I discovered that day that he likes to use his keyboard as a punchball. What's with people when they pound their keyboards like it cheated on them with their partners/spouses? Be a little gentle to the machine and respect it a little, even if you are next in line to win a Nobel prize. His table was literally shaking with all the hammering and its not a pretty sound in a nearly empty glass house, especially if the desk right behind you is buffeting like a Boeing at high a-o-a. To add salt on raw wounds, he had to grumble (aloud!) about science-knows-what when clearly, there was a sign that said “Stilte a.u.b!” (Silence please!)

The muttering and ramming continued for a while and my day of high expectations was inching closer to devastation. I couldn't move to another spot as that computer was running simulations which wasn't backed up yet! My head began to throb and I almost whirred around to confront him. That's when I felt a deep shiver go down my spine. The glass all around began to resonate with some unknown energy. I felt like I was going to fling myself on that annoying brainiac. It took a great deal to stop myself. I clung on to my chair and that's when a translucent shell flared out of me. I knew it! It had to be her. She couldn't stay in anymore; not with all the ramming and muttering when all she needed was peace and quiet. The dark-haired, athletic maiden with eyes as sharp as a steely knife had come to my aid. It was her-Agent Kats! Phew! It had been more than a year since I saw her... What a treat to the eyes!

Agent Kats flew out of the vibrating shell like a ninja and landed right next to the guy. Before he could sense her, Agent Kats raised her iron-arm high and with one swift blow pounded his fingers into the keyboard. She kept pounding his hand, until he cried like a 5-year old boy. He tried arrogantly to push Agent Kats away, but that just infuriated her even more!

She rammed his head into the monitor, plucked its wires off the sockets and wrung it around his neck. His eyes were popping out but she couldn't have cared less. She grabbed the keyboard right beneath his squashed fingers and whacked him hard enough to crack his skull. The whole library seemed to float in his blood. Somehow, I was not touched by any of this goriness.

At that moment, she whipped out her OMG23 console and spun it high in the air. Gold and red of the console flashed so fast that it almost became invisible. A giant gust of air started rising from the ground and I felt a slight tug. Agent Kats had lifted me up with her and placed me on the window sill of the towering library. The view was absolutely breathtaking. I hadn't realized before that the roof of the library dome was so high... Wait, it wasn't, it just was Agent Kats. She wanted me to be safe from the rising blast of air and had elongated the roof higher. The guy was waking up and I began to wonder why Agent Kats wasn't doing anything. What if he escaped ?

!*

At that very moment, I saw it. A giant vortex began circling along the walls of the library. It was red........Oh! It was his blood! He was trapped in a vortex of his own blood that had been shed before! The spinning OMG23 console picked up speed and the blood-y air only gathered more momentum. The annoying guy was spinning rapidly, hitting the walls and knocking past spinning chairs and computers in the vortex. I could sense that the inertial forces were very high and he would never be able to get out of it himself. He was screaming, I could see, but nothing was heard over the OMG23 as it was emitting a high frequency noise not unlike rotor blades! It was almost hard for me to breathe.. I was feeling woozy just looking down upon the core of a giant vortex. Agent Kats looked at me and she knew it was time to end it. She flung herself high and landed unscathed right in the center of the core. She started spinning, reversing the curl like it was child's play! Boy, could she play with physics! I couldn't help but admire her even more.. She was creating her own vortex, the Kat-vortex. She began to rise while gyrating and was now alongside her console. The counter-rotating vortices had begun to merge into each other and the annoying guy was overstretched on all sides. The blood vortex and Kat-vortex formed a mixing layer of high viscosity. The geek who got stuck in this stratum began to feel the traction and was almost unconscious now. That's when Agent Kats stopped spinning and retracted her OMG23 console while hissing something deep to it. The second she did it, the highly turbulent vortices exploded and completely dissipated into thin air. The force expelled blew the glass house into smithereens. I was so sure I'd be the prey of all the exploding shreds of glass but Agent Kats knew not to hurt me. She had created a bubble of high polymer density around us and was smiling when I looked up. The dust was settling down and there were monitors, keyboards, and processors everywhere amidst the broken glass. The guy was nowhere to be seen around and I didn't want to know what happened to him. Agent Kats shrunk into her cocoon and floated towards me. I looked reproachfully at her reckoning the collateral damage she had caused. But she looked gravely at me and said “You know deep down that it had to be done” and she drifted right back into me.  She was right.. It was unbearable torture before Agent Kats had appeared that day.

Why do people provoke Agent Kats? Why can't they remain silent when they ought to? As much as I love seeing her time and again, its just painful in many ways when she leaves....But, nevertheless, Thank you Agent Kats...

aeroyogi

2-3-2012

!* From google images!

The Flame..

This poem contains references to some of my old ones. If you ever got those, you'll get this one too! :)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The flame of sin slowly subsides,

As truth slips beneath the mask,

That realization have I dawned upon,

All which time had cried loud about.

The macaw, I thought, was a distant dream,

The soul, I thought, was reposed as it seemed,

But alas!

The rein of sin has never been tighter,

The guilt, while I knew, has always been lighter.

A call of the unknown psyche,

From the depths of the widest hell,

A gallant shore, I thought, it had touched,

An answer heard, that seemed pure and true-,

was a cruel joke that vanity had brewed.

The cloak reminds me of its growing fondness,

The cliffs tell their tale of pride,

Have I yet to set out and conquer,

A run, that seemed to evade the mind..

Clarity flutters along the crimson band,

The will to fight, joins in hand,

Renewed vigor is the seed sown fresh,

On the lam, to flourish in flesh.

A pattern, as I see, life concocts,

That, which bonds with the lyrics of the past,

How astounding, for a human to err,

Undulating akin to a mammoth curl…

The oil of lust all dries out,

The flames of sins all die out,

The thirst to fight has never been stronger,

A crusade that now titillates the soul deeper..

I light up the milieu as the dew whistle behind,

For I know, the haze of sin will perish in time,

Engulfed is the psyche in the flame I ignite,

Peace is the pledge from this flare so bright….

aeroyogi

25-11-11

Allegory-Indulged...

Her heart was thumping out loud.. She had waited long enough. A part of her warned her. But clouded as her sight was on the starry night, she could not stop looking out for her desire to materialize. Her young bosom heaved as she inhaled the sharp cold winds that played with her mane. There had been an urgency that day. A sensation that often surfaced but never overpowered, had finally succeeded in its try. She would go for it. The mistake she knew she was going to make, She would do it. There were a million implications that could arise from it, most which wouldn't be pleasing. And yet she had unthawed her sentiences and had gotten ready for the plunge. It hadn't seemed like a fallacious plan then. But what was she thinking?

As her obscure hope churned to reality, she felt the earth give away beneath her feet. She dreamily rose to a majestic height barely agnising it. The stars twinkled jocundly over her and the winds flirted all the more with her smile. It seemed perfect. It seemed chaste though she knew she would regret that rashness. Not all are intrepid enough to face their heart's desires out in the open. Not all can feel proud of finding and following what they long for. Because not all desires are innocent and not all of them are supposed to be sought out. There is a reason why they say Desire is the cause of all sorrows. But who is to tell a fickle mind that it needs the very thing it cannot have?

She danced a tango to the music within her. The helplessly inebriated tune of fantasies, craving and self-deception. She had succeeded in bridging her illusions and reality. She plundered around, defiled nature and tarnished milieu. Right above the place revered by millions. She flew long and far all night.. She felt light and satiated.. She crooned like the happiest macaw and glowed like the brightest lily. She had begun to feel probably she was mistaken about the repercussions. The feeling wasn't exactly yelling caution.

Only when the sun glinted on her quenched soul did she sense the air around her. It didn't smell like freshly watered grass anymore. It didn't seem to conceal her serendipity like a tree's shadow anymore. She tried to justify it then, but words failed her. She tried to make sense out of it. She, who was known for her unwavering determination, had given in to a silly heart's desire like a toddler. She didn't understand how, she of all people, was capable of such sacrilege..

What's with a human desire? A strong power that could detain the senses and evince the worst..A colossus that could upheave normalcy and play with the tender twigs of righteousness.. She searched for an answer. Nothing that evidenced, pleased her. She had never understood how an organ rendering blood could influence her decisions, but she realized it now. That, what she always said-All is in the mind, was unproved by herself. She had been twisted to the whims of her heart. And she had thought she had it all in her rein.

The guilt was stabbing her, the ignominy of running behind sweet vicious fantasies were taking a toll on her. She wouldn't blame the cosmos for leading her to her desire. She wouldn't blame her desire that manifested itself in a way she wanted.. She had none to curse for how she felt, cos it wasn't the action itself that was corroding her but how she gave into it without resistance and how she went through with it sans a thought or regret, knowing she would feel otherwise when the air changed.

She just would had to live with her mistakes. She had followed her impulse without questioning and she was bearing the brunt of it. She would have to fix her roots to where they belong and nurture them from the start. And it was going to be a long journey. The flux of dreams and reality had cost her, her pride and dignity.

But she also realized that she wasn't a dead soul, she was only human and who is to desire a desire better than the frail human flesh? She was going to mend by embracing her mistakes. They did not make her any different a person than she used to be. She was glad she wasn't made of stone that most presumed she was. She was glad she wasn't strong for once. It was ok to take a break from being perfect and do something reckless. She was glad to know she was capable of defying her principles. Knowing that would only stop her from repeating it again.

Her foolhardiness was now making her wiser. It had cleared her sight to paint a picture of her true righteous desires. Her tangled brain had lead her in an uncertain roller coaster ride towards clarity. The guilt that nibbled her away was now leading her towards serenity. It was just one of the other million things she had to avenge wisely and she would do it.

She broke off her self embrace and looked up at the sky. The tiny whites were receding and the golden orb was warming the earth. The first of the rays lapped deep into her skin and it promised a new hope, new wisdom and a new vision. She had made peace with herself. A new day had come; that something she recognized, was not so new in her life.

aeroyogi

5-10-11

Urmmm.....

Three months and not a post here... Yes, I know. Many of you are suffocating just like I am. But somehow life here is just demanding cheques that I am barely managing to cash out without losing what little sanity prevails in this nearly bankrupt brain of mine. Not that it is an excuse… or may be it is one! I have been upto a lot of things these past 3 months and I have loads to tell. I started writing several articles but finished none. But today, after 14 hours of asphyxia in my “Chamber of secrets” (I shall explain sometime), some terrible results to boost my rage hormones and mystical plots that mocked me with profound vanity, I subconsciously clicked on my blog tab for some reading therapy that probably would also inspire some energy and creativity in my tired spine..

I’m hit with the deepest pang of guilt, worse than the one when the library dome peeps into my new abode while I try to take some time off. Unattended and forlorn, with only visitors who came were in search of “white haired anime girl”, “anime girl’s eyes” and the likes. The page looked dead, literally. Not to mention the dip in the blog’s ranking. My intestines twined harder by the second and hence this post for penance.

Past three months have been action packed-more than ever. A couple of trips to Paris and Germany, moving into a new house and furnishing it from the scratch, exams, assignments, thesis experiments, understanding Indian system of law and constitution and pondering over Jan lokpal, freelance journalism, trying my vocals with a band and few other things that seem to evade my memory now, have all been the cause for this blasphemy.

I had beautiful words to describe my trips and its results.. But well, now I can’t seem to articulate most of them. Have lots more to tell, but the security guard announces in thick Dutch accent that the building closes in five minutes. I have to get out and walk back home in the getting-colder-by-the-minute winds of Holland. If not for this announcement every night, I probably would have changed my residence address to Klyuverweg.

“Mevrouw, het gebouw sluit…..” I know, Shut up! I’m going!

I will write soon. I promise.

aeroyogi

29/8/11

The big fat Indian wedding 1.a (Reprise)

Disclaimer 1)I am not undergoing some marriage phase, just like most thought when I posted the prequel. Hell, I am glad to be breathing amidst all the work. So no questions or rhetorical clichés about it, please.

Disclaimer 2) Please note, I am not for or against love marriages or arranged marriages. Whatever works best for an individual.  Just trying to find sense in some age old practices that is facing the altar of current gen bloggers and video makers. As mentioned in version 1 of the post, ancient Indians (like really ancient, not the sati system propagandists) did not start a tradition, study or rituals without the blend of rational and logical reasoning in it. Considering millions of years have passed, the true purpose and meaning is lost somewhere in translation and pass down.

Disclaimer 3) This post is ridiculously long. But I am almost sure it will hold your attention if you have read my previous post and/or are interested in this topic.

Disclaimer 4) I know I am not married and my mom would scorn at another wedding article brushing it aside as it has come from an inexperienced writer but one doesn’t need to be in the marital realm to observe the world and use some common sense along with some research to say what I am about to say.

It has been a little more than a year that I wrote the first part to this post. And you must understand, over time, my wisdom tooth has grown. I am not continuing this post where I left off but this one is to say few “my bad’s”, to rephrase some points and add some new ones that is intended to those who go all ballistic over arranged marriages.

What inspired me? A blog of another NRI blogger who seemed like he left India prior independence and never returned to see the current Indian arranged marriage scene. I revisited my first post and saw some points that now I disagree rather resent writing myself and thought since that was the most commented post of mine, I let those people know who actively took part in the discussion that I did have few points that were supremely foolish and self contradictory. They were from someone who hadn’t understood why Indian traditions are the way they are-like this afore mentioned individual!

You might ask, So now you think you are an expert on Indian culture? The answer is No, I surely am not. But one recent event in the near past had me searching for answers for so many deep questions. I stumbled upon answers for many more questions than I hoped to. I am still rolling on that ground and there is a lot to cover. And already I feel the wisdom tooth effects that I can’t resist sharing. :D

This doesn’t mean I don’t stick by the ranting about a girl’s age of marriage. I still hold every word of it in firm grasp. Marriage shouldn’t be thrust upon someone as a priority at 21. Women need to see the world at a young age. To explore the twists and turns of living alone, being responsible for one-self, making life-sustaining decisions on their own is something that everyone needs to experience. It only makes an individual stronger and well prepared for life. One should know life without companionship too.

Also I still think that marriage shouldn’t be treated as a responsibility of parents. Given that the parents having seen the world a lot more, their guidance and help to a certain extent is most essential in the process but in no way should they treat it as a responsibility-financially or emotionally, failing which they are deemed as bad parents either by society or themselves.

But I understand that is not possible largely. It probably was construed to be so, fearing that the children would make all the wrong choices but if there is effective upbringing in the household and a sensible kid at hand, I don’t see the reason for Indian parents to get so worked up about marriages anyway.

Coming to the topic of arranged marriages alone, my take previously on money minting dingy offices and websites may have been a little immature. I agree that it has worked for many and will continue to do so too. Although I still detest the thought especially after personally knowing many people who mess around with the contents of various profiles just for kicks! And of course I staunchly hate the make up+photoshoped photos with unnatural poses up everywhere.

I still stand by my thoughts on Astrology although I have dug up material a little more in detail. And I still would say, Indian weddings are a showcase of your ability to handle pressure in some really grueling ways.

So keeping my reprise aside, the next part is for all those who think arranged marriages are drag and senseless. Let me enlighten you my comrades, that enlightenment is a long process. Discovering truths takes an everlasting turn. So its ok if you post blogs like the one I did a year ago but keep an open mind that you may be wrong! That’s how you learn.

Firstly, Stop thinking that since 95% of arranged marriages don’t end up in divorce, it is definitely a compromise and the couples are not happy in it together. Nobody is happy all the time. Its how you adjust and adapt to the conditions that make you seem happy or sad. Doesn’t matter which way down the fork you walked-love or arranged or single, compromises and adjustments come as a package.

Secondly, the boy and girl in question aren’t forced into a small room to talk for the first time. Get over it. In the age of Mochas and Baristas, the parents know better than to lock them up in a room!

Thirdly, dowry existed in India; it does in some parts now too. But it is diminishing at a rapid rate with what, all the guys becoming more gentlemanly, educated and citizens of the world. Everybody knows what started as a voluntary action turned into an obligation, the wheel which is now spinning back home again. So a girl’s father needn’t always give car/gold/utilities to the groom! Chances these days are the guy has better collections already than the father can offer! If you still find someone taking or asking for it, well, you know he doesn’t fit the above description and/or that he is a jackass! Some parents do fall for societal pressures. You can always get them not to bother about their peers if you have good communication skills. If you can’t then it’s not the “arranged marriage concept” that is at fault, it is you! And FYI, some love marriages involve the son-of-a-dowry too!

Fourthly, why castes, religions are so important- Because in olden days, the newly wed couples had no option but to stay with the grooms parents and as always with the “previous generation” at any point of time, rituals, customs and habits have to be sworn by, by the new bride. It was and still is difficult for most to change all habits, language, traditions, food etc. when there is a cross over. So our ancestors made intra religion marriages mandatory and put a price across the heads that didn’t follow just so that it would warn the future generations from being miserable all their life. In the current world, they still follow it, for the very same reason. So unless you know you are super flexible and would welcome a complete make over with open arms for the rest of your life, just follow what is proven! In the case you think that the rule is beneath you and your parents are mad about your choice, understand that they may not be open to change as you are! Its just an individual outlook.

Fifthly, restrictions based on zodiacs, gothras and the likes are all here for a reason. Something I hadn't understood when I wrote the first part. The constellations were used to recognize the month you were born, which based on its position has an impact on a person’s personality. Why? The initial development of humans is influenced by every single atom around. Physically and emotionally. At the time of your birth (month), there are specific stellar movements which create different auras accordingly. The radiations, weather and every universal aspect just like your immediate surroundings form your deepest traits. Even as grown-ups don’t you feel gloomy when the skies are all dark and depressing during autmn? Don’t you feel happy and cherished when colors of spring entice you all around? It works on similar lines. Observations have been made for ages and comparisons and compatibilities are hence tested even today. There are tons of exceptions as with anything and if you check, most of the “loved and then married” successful couples are zodiacally compatible!

The gothras in the grand span of human life, shortly put, are here to prevent the Y chromosome from being extinct due to overlapping defective genes! Our Vedic folks weren’t kidding when they designed this system. They had the knowledge of it without microscopes and other gadgets. May be hard to believe, but its all there for real.. And it’s not trash talk but is scientifically scanned news for you! I won’t give it all away. Look it up, trust me, it will turn out to be an eye- opener.

There is more, but enough for this post.

And to those who read part one-don’t gloat that you won on some points. This is the very same self evolution I was talking about in one of my comments. I am glad I wrote what I thought then and I am glad to have written now. I am happy that I did not give in to your arguments and found out I was mistaken on some points on my own. I saw sense in it myself rather than just agreeing with you. And so will it be. 

  

aeroyogi

25/2/2011

Allegory-Bridged..

The white of sunlight reflected on the gravelly surface of her refuge.. Her empty eyes were transfixed on the shadows induced by the thick leafless branches of the tree which stood close. Random lines on the low roof of the cave seemed like an artist's conspiracy to her.. Her mind fluttered incessantly within the deeply tanned skin and what she felt like burnt flesh. She tried to figure out the engrained puzzle on the wall while a moth beholding spring flew about with full spirit over her grizzled hair.

She never dreamed of this. She never wanted it in the first place. But yet there she was, desiring something she knew she had lost, aching for something she knew she probably never would have got in the first place and hoping against hope that the reality was false.

For someone who lived mostly in an unreal world, the truth seemed harsher than she had known it to be. Illusions of mind were dangerous. Building bridges across the playful musings of her conscience and reality proved to be catastrophic. She should have understood that long ago. As endearing as her fantasies were, it was time to give them up now.

Her self-loathing had reached an unsettling level. Somehow she abhorred herself more for not being able to understand what was on the wall rather than what had happened that day. Trying to give it a meaning seemed very important at that moment. Trying to attach significance to every slope in life was important to her. She didn't mind the blinding light that encroached her cave, her senses seemed to have hidden in the darkest corners. This wasn't a first. For the second time her fort had been torn down in the most similar way and although she looked less naked than earlier, she felt more assailable than ever. Anguish appeared to tear her apart in slices.. so much that her song which never left those pale pink lips was lost somewhere in her swarthy thoughts.

The shadows began to creep on to her agonizing thoughtless air castle, ridiculing her existence and purpose. That infuriated her.. Mockery was something she couldn't tolerate. She would have to just rebuild her fort elsewhere. She would have to walk strong again. She would have to emerge armor-clad for the next battle. She wouldn't give up. It was those playful colors in her mind that had made her stronger after all.

Or so she thought..

She walked out of her cave and lurched through the rubble around to find what she had lost. She needed her imagination to survive the lonely flight of life. Her clothes were ragged and her face was distraught. Fatigue and fear pulled her back but she fought. She would continue dreaming, for that was one place she needn't fight for survival, one place where objects moved at her command. She would find solace. Probably a little late but she definitely would! She would build her fort stronger this time, may be laced with some guile. A fort that couldn't be torn apart but only conquered. And if someone cared to try and succeed she would embrace reality. A thought that she couldn't fathom for now. But that was the only way. She would search for that better place, be it atop the highest mountain or along the deepest ocean. A place that she could fantasize without seeing the end. A place which would heal her reality. She had to be patient for it would reap what she yearned for.

The descending sun played tricks with her eyes. She thought she saw water rippling beside the cave. She collapsed on her knees when she saw the golden-white hooves of a centaur majestically strolling across the banks of the lake. The greenest of forests behind him with the twilight aura lighting up the dew drops like diamonds on leaves and the coolest of breeze brushing away her bruises. Her skin began to glisten fairy-like and her smile was returning. She knew nor cared to check if it was real, for she was in a place far blessed than the mortal world had ever delivered. Her rags disappeared and she sat high on the same branch of the same tree. She could see her fort walls towering high by the second at a distance, stronger than ever. She smiled. She would mend... in her own way.....

aeroyogi

9/5/2011