He called me a gal..

This is for a friend... Hope you find your redemption, Cinderella! :)

Baggy tracks and unthread brows,

A punch and thump, for all I was known,

No gloss, no roses, had ever caught my eye,

Every guy in town was a buddy of mine.

Then he comes, he comes like a man,

The doors were held and the stairs were fanned,

Hard enough to stand, this unusual tenderness,

Fuddled I talk, like a drunken pan.

I danced to his tunes, his tunes so mesmeric,

His voice so deep and the eyes that flashed

He called me a gal, a gal in real,

I could bow to the man, as I would to none.

He exudes elegance, gentle and strong,

I was stormed from the weight of the crown,

My rolled up sleeves and torn jeans so wrong,

Were just like that of the ol’ guys downtown.

I knew not this feeling, for it was surreal,

Thence, I mess up with my hallmark blow,

I am reminded, the ugly duckling that I am,

I holler for more, like the gates of a dam.

He turns away, repelled and appalled,

I smile, cos’ I know he was galled,

I excise the spirit that steered him away,

Leaving the memory, fresh like in May.

A wise world, for I see it now,

A new start, for I make it now,

Forever, will that gentleness touch-

that hoyden who adored it so much.

aeroyogi

13-7-2012

Agent Kats is back! (Story-3)

For those who are reading Agent Kats series for first time, please note that it is always semi-fictitious and I have NO violent bones in my body! Any resemblance to living, dead, zombies or what you (might) sometimes feel is truly-swear-by-my-thesis unintentional. To know more about Agent Kats, please drop by here and here.

In the most unexpected of moments, Agent Kats just popped up today! She is such a ray of sunshine when days get all monotonous and tiring due to unbeatable, increasing-by-the-second pile of work. Of course I try not to get her involved too much but some days you just canNOT help but use brute force!

There is a reason why they call it the 'silent room'. If I wanted atrocious, unsynchronized, senseless pounding in my ears, I might have as well waited to make my report in the middle of Dames square on Queens Day. I was working in the extra-silent section of the library so as to reach my highest concentration and productivity levels on a rather dark, drowsy Sunday afternoon right before Spring break. You can imagine how easy that must be! Well, it was almost as if I had the entire library to myself barring few other oddballs like me. And it seemed like I could do a lot that day.....

And then enters a lanky, tall, brown-bush-haired, annoying version of Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, you can imagine that as well I suppose! I knew him generally and a genius that he is, his parents have my respect for conjuring a super-brain and putting it in his head; really. But its ends there. A self-obsessed, arrogant, insolent, nonchalant creep that he was, he had to pick the spot right behind me. And as if all the charming qualities he possessed weren't enough, I discovered that day that he likes to use his keyboard as a punchball. What's with people when they pound their keyboards like it cheated on them with their partners/spouses? Be a little gentle to the machine and respect it a little, even if you are next in line to win a Nobel prize. His table was literally shaking with all the hammering and its not a pretty sound in a nearly empty glass house, especially if the desk right behind you is buffeting like a Boeing at high a-o-a. To add salt on raw wounds, he had to grumble (aloud!) about science-knows-what when clearly, there was a sign that said “Stilte a.u.b!” (Silence please!)

The muttering and ramming continued for a while and my day of high expectations was inching closer to devastation. I couldn't move to another spot as that computer was running simulations which wasn't backed up yet! My head began to throb and I almost whirred around to confront him. That's when I felt a deep shiver go down my spine. The glass all around began to resonate with some unknown energy. I felt like I was going to fling myself on that annoying brainiac. It took a great deal to stop myself. I clung on to my chair and that's when a translucent shell flared out of me. I knew it! It had to be her. She couldn't stay in anymore; not with all the ramming and muttering when all she needed was peace and quiet. The dark-haired, athletic maiden with eyes as sharp as a steely knife had come to my aid. It was her-Agent Kats! Phew! It had been more than a year since I saw her... What a treat to the eyes!

Agent Kats flew out of the vibrating shell like a ninja and landed right next to the guy. Before he could sense her, Agent Kats raised her iron-arm high and with one swift blow pounded his fingers into the keyboard. She kept pounding his hand, until he cried like a 5-year old boy. He tried arrogantly to push Agent Kats away, but that just infuriated her even more!

She rammed his head into the monitor, plucked its wires off the sockets and wrung it around his neck. His eyes were popping out but she couldn't have cared less. She grabbed the keyboard right beneath his squashed fingers and whacked him hard enough to crack his skull. The whole library seemed to float in his blood. Somehow, I was not touched by any of this goriness.

At that moment, she whipped out her OMG23 console and spun it high in the air. Gold and red of the console flashed so fast that it almost became invisible. A giant gust of air started rising from the ground and I felt a slight tug. Agent Kats had lifted me up with her and placed me on the window sill of the towering library. The view was absolutely breathtaking. I hadn't realized before that the roof of the library dome was so high... Wait, it wasn't, it just was Agent Kats. She wanted me to be safe from the rising blast of air and had elongated the roof higher. The guy was waking up and I began to wonder why Agent Kats wasn't doing anything. What if he escaped ?

!*

At that very moment, I saw it. A giant vortex began circling along the walls of the library. It was red........Oh! It was his blood! He was trapped in a vortex of his own blood that had been shed before! The spinning OMG23 console picked up speed and the blood-y air only gathered more momentum. The annoying guy was spinning rapidly, hitting the walls and knocking past spinning chairs and computers in the vortex. I could sense that the inertial forces were very high and he would never be able to get out of it himself. He was screaming, I could see, but nothing was heard over the OMG23 as it was emitting a high frequency noise not unlike rotor blades! It was almost hard for me to breathe.. I was feeling woozy just looking down upon the core of a giant vortex. Agent Kats looked at me and she knew it was time to end it. She flung herself high and landed unscathed right in the center of the core. She started spinning, reversing the curl like it was child's play! Boy, could she play with physics! I couldn't help but admire her even more.. She was creating her own vortex, the Kat-vortex. She began to rise while gyrating and was now alongside her console. The counter-rotating vortices had begun to merge into each other and the annoying guy was overstretched on all sides. The blood vortex and Kat-vortex formed a mixing layer of high viscosity. The geek who got stuck in this stratum began to feel the traction and was almost unconscious now. That's when Agent Kats stopped spinning and retracted her OMG23 console while hissing something deep to it. The second she did it, the highly turbulent vortices exploded and completely dissipated into thin air. The force expelled blew the glass house into smithereens. I was so sure I'd be the prey of all the exploding shreds of glass but Agent Kats knew not to hurt me. She had created a bubble of high polymer density around us and was smiling when I looked up. The dust was settling down and there were monitors, keyboards, and processors everywhere amidst the broken glass. The guy was nowhere to be seen around and I didn't want to know what happened to him. Agent Kats shrunk into her cocoon and floated towards me. I looked reproachfully at her reckoning the collateral damage she had caused. But she looked gravely at me and said “You know deep down that it had to be done” and she drifted right back into me.  She was right.. It was unbearable torture before Agent Kats had appeared that day.

Why do people provoke Agent Kats? Why can't they remain silent when they ought to? As much as I love seeing her time and again, its just painful in many ways when she leaves....But, nevertheless, Thank you Agent Kats...

aeroyogi

2-3-2012

!* From google images!

The Flame..

This poem contains references to some of my old ones. If you ever got those, you'll get this one too! :)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The flame of sin slowly subsides,

As truth slips beneath the mask,

That realization have I dawned upon,

All which time had cried loud about.

The macaw, I thought, was a distant dream,

The soul, I thought, was reposed as it seemed,

But alas!

The rein of sin has never been tighter,

The guilt, while I knew, has always been lighter.

A call of the unknown psyche,

From the depths of the widest hell,

A gallant shore, I thought, it had touched,

An answer heard, that seemed pure and true-,

was a cruel joke that vanity had brewed.

The cloak reminds me of its growing fondness,

The cliffs tell their tale of pride,

Have I yet to set out and conquer,

A run, that seemed to evade the mind..

Clarity flutters along the crimson band,

The will to fight, joins in hand,

Renewed vigor is the seed sown fresh,

On the lam, to flourish in flesh.

A pattern, as I see, life concocts,

That, which bonds with the lyrics of the past,

How astounding, for a human to err,

Undulating akin to a mammoth curl…

The oil of lust all dries out,

The flames of sins all die out,

The thirst to fight has never been stronger,

A crusade that now titillates the soul deeper..

I light up the milieu as the dew whistle behind,

For I know, the haze of sin will perish in time,

Engulfed is the psyche in the flame I ignite,

Peace is the pledge from this flare so bright….

aeroyogi

25-11-11

Allegory-Indulged...

Her heart was thumping out loud.. She had waited long enough. A part of her warned her. But clouded as her sight was on the starry night, she could not stop looking out for her desire to materialize. Her young bosom heaved as she inhaled the sharp cold winds that played with her mane. There had been an urgency that day. A sensation that often surfaced but never overpowered, had finally succeeded in its try. She would go for it. The mistake she knew she was going to make, She would do it. There were a million implications that could arise from it, most which wouldn't be pleasing. And yet she had unthawed her sentiences and had gotten ready for the plunge. It hadn't seemed like a fallacious plan then. But what was she thinking?

As her obscure hope churned to reality, she felt the earth give away beneath her feet. She dreamily rose to a majestic height barely agnising it. The stars twinkled jocundly over her and the winds flirted all the more with her smile. It seemed perfect. It seemed chaste though she knew she would regret that rashness. Not all are intrepid enough to face their heart's desires out in the open. Not all can feel proud of finding and following what they long for. Because not all desires are innocent and not all of them are supposed to be sought out. There is a reason why they say Desire is the cause of all sorrows. But who is to tell a fickle mind that it needs the very thing it cannot have?

She danced a tango to the music within her. The helplessly inebriated tune of fantasies, craving and self-deception. She had succeeded in bridging her illusions and reality. She plundered around, defiled nature and tarnished milieu. Right above the place revered by millions. She flew long and far all night.. She felt light and satiated.. She crooned like the happiest macaw and glowed like the brightest lily. She had begun to feel probably she was mistaken about the repercussions. The feeling wasn't exactly yelling caution.

Only when the sun glinted on her quenched soul did she sense the air around her. It didn't smell like freshly watered grass anymore. It didn't seem to conceal her serendipity like a tree's shadow anymore. She tried to justify it then, but words failed her. She tried to make sense out of it. She, who was known for her unwavering determination, had given in to a silly heart's desire like a toddler. She didn't understand how, she of all people, was capable of such sacrilege..

What's with a human desire? A strong power that could detain the senses and evince the worst..A colossus that could upheave normalcy and play with the tender twigs of righteousness.. She searched for an answer. Nothing that evidenced, pleased her. She had never understood how an organ rendering blood could influence her decisions, but she realized it now. That, what she always said-All is in the mind, was unproved by herself. She had been twisted to the whims of her heart. And she had thought she had it all in her rein.

The guilt was stabbing her, the ignominy of running behind sweet vicious fantasies were taking a toll on her. She wouldn't blame the cosmos for leading her to her desire. She wouldn't blame her desire that manifested itself in a way she wanted.. She had none to curse for how she felt, cos it wasn't the action itself that was corroding her but how she gave into it without resistance and how she went through with it sans a thought or regret, knowing she would feel otherwise when the air changed.

She just would had to live with her mistakes. She had followed her impulse without questioning and she was bearing the brunt of it. She would have to fix her roots to where they belong and nurture them from the start. And it was going to be a long journey. The flux of dreams and reality had cost her, her pride and dignity.

But she also realized that she wasn't a dead soul, she was only human and who is to desire a desire better than the frail human flesh? She was going to mend by embracing her mistakes. They did not make her any different a person than she used to be. She was glad she wasn't made of stone that most presumed she was. She was glad she wasn't strong for once. It was ok to take a break from being perfect and do something reckless. She was glad to know she was capable of defying her principles. Knowing that would only stop her from repeating it again.

Her foolhardiness was now making her wiser. It had cleared her sight to paint a picture of her true righteous desires. Her tangled brain had lead her in an uncertain roller coaster ride towards clarity. The guilt that nibbled her away was now leading her towards serenity. It was just one of the other million things she had to avenge wisely and she would do it.

She broke off her self embrace and looked up at the sky. The tiny whites were receding and the golden orb was warming the earth. The first of the rays lapped deep into her skin and it promised a new hope, new wisdom and a new vision. She had made peace with herself. A new day had come; that something she recognized, was not so new in her life.

aeroyogi

5-10-11

Urmmm.....

Three months and not a post here... Yes, I know. Many of you are suffocating just like I am. But somehow life here is just demanding cheques that I am barely managing to cash out without losing what little sanity prevails in this nearly bankrupt brain of mine. Not that it is an excuse… or may be it is one! I have been upto a lot of things these past 3 months and I have loads to tell. I started writing several articles but finished none. But today, after 14 hours of asphyxia in my “Chamber of secrets” (I shall explain sometime), some terrible results to boost my rage hormones and mystical plots that mocked me with profound vanity, I subconsciously clicked on my blog tab for some reading therapy that probably would also inspire some energy and creativity in my tired spine..

I’m hit with the deepest pang of guilt, worse than the one when the library dome peeps into my new abode while I try to take some time off. Unattended and forlorn, with only visitors who came were in search of “white haired anime girl”, “anime girl’s eyes” and the likes. The page looked dead, literally. Not to mention the dip in the blog’s ranking. My intestines twined harder by the second and hence this post for penance.

Past three months have been action packed-more than ever. A couple of trips to Paris and Germany, moving into a new house and furnishing it from the scratch, exams, assignments, thesis experiments, understanding Indian system of law and constitution and pondering over Jan lokpal, freelance journalism, trying my vocals with a band and few other things that seem to evade my memory now, have all been the cause for this blasphemy.

I had beautiful words to describe my trips and its results.. But well, now I can’t seem to articulate most of them. Have lots more to tell, but the security guard announces in thick Dutch accent that the building closes in five minutes. I have to get out and walk back home in the getting-colder-by-the-minute winds of Holland. If not for this announcement every night, I probably would have changed my residence address to Klyuverweg.

“Mevrouw, het gebouw sluit…..” I know, Shut up! I’m going!

I will write soon. I promise.

aeroyogi

29/8/11

The big fat Indian wedding 1.a (Reprise)

Disclaimer 1)I am not undergoing some marriage phase, just like most thought when I posted the prequel. Hell, I am glad to be breathing amidst all the work. So no questions or rhetorical clichés about it, please.

Disclaimer 2) Please note, I am not for or against love marriages or arranged marriages. Whatever works best for an individual.  Just trying to find sense in some age old practices that is facing the altar of current gen bloggers and video makers. As mentioned in version 1 of the post, ancient Indians (like really ancient, not the sati system propagandists) did not start a tradition, study or rituals without the blend of rational and logical reasoning in it. Considering millions of years have passed, the true purpose and meaning is lost somewhere in translation and pass down.

Disclaimer 3) This post is ridiculously long. But I am almost sure it will hold your attention if you have read my previous post and/or are interested in this topic.

Disclaimer 4) I know I am not married and my mom would scorn at another wedding article brushing it aside as it has come from an inexperienced writer but one doesn’t need to be in the marital realm to observe the world and use some common sense along with some research to say what I am about to say.

It has been a little more than a year that I wrote the first part to this post. And you must understand, over time, my wisdom tooth has grown. I am not continuing this post where I left off but this one is to say few “my bad’s”, to rephrase some points and add some new ones that is intended to those who go all ballistic over arranged marriages.

What inspired me? A blog of another NRI blogger who seemed like he left India prior independence and never returned to see the current Indian arranged marriage scene. I revisited my first post and saw some points that now I disagree rather resent writing myself and thought since that was the most commented post of mine, I let those people know who actively took part in the discussion that I did have few points that were supremely foolish and self contradictory. They were from someone who hadn’t understood why Indian traditions are the way they are-like this afore mentioned individual!

You might ask, So now you think you are an expert on Indian culture? The answer is No, I surely am not. But one recent event in the near past had me searching for answers for so many deep questions. I stumbled upon answers for many more questions than I hoped to. I am still rolling on that ground and there is a lot to cover. And already I feel the wisdom tooth effects that I can’t resist sharing. :D

This doesn’t mean I don’t stick by the ranting about a girl’s age of marriage. I still hold every word of it in firm grasp. Marriage shouldn’t be thrust upon someone as a priority at 21. Women need to see the world at a young age. To explore the twists and turns of living alone, being responsible for one-self, making life-sustaining decisions on their own is something that everyone needs to experience. It only makes an individual stronger and well prepared for life. One should know life without companionship too.

Also I still think that marriage shouldn’t be treated as a responsibility of parents. Given that the parents having seen the world a lot more, their guidance and help to a certain extent is most essential in the process but in no way should they treat it as a responsibility-financially or emotionally, failing which they are deemed as bad parents either by society or themselves.

But I understand that is not possible largely. It probably was construed to be so, fearing that the children would make all the wrong choices but if there is effective upbringing in the household and a sensible kid at hand, I don’t see the reason for Indian parents to get so worked up about marriages anyway.

Coming to the topic of arranged marriages alone, my take previously on money minting dingy offices and websites may have been a little immature. I agree that it has worked for many and will continue to do so too. Although I still detest the thought especially after personally knowing many people who mess around with the contents of various profiles just for kicks! And of course I staunchly hate the make up+photoshoped photos with unnatural poses up everywhere.

I still stand by my thoughts on Astrology although I have dug up material a little more in detail. And I still would say, Indian weddings are a showcase of your ability to handle pressure in some really grueling ways.

So keeping my reprise aside, the next part is for all those who think arranged marriages are drag and senseless. Let me enlighten you my comrades, that enlightenment is a long process. Discovering truths takes an everlasting turn. So its ok if you post blogs like the one I did a year ago but keep an open mind that you may be wrong! That’s how you learn.

Firstly, Stop thinking that since 95% of arranged marriages don’t end up in divorce, it is definitely a compromise and the couples are not happy in it together. Nobody is happy all the time. Its how you adjust and adapt to the conditions that make you seem happy or sad. Doesn’t matter which way down the fork you walked-love or arranged or single, compromises and adjustments come as a package.

Secondly, the boy and girl in question aren’t forced into a small room to talk for the first time. Get over it. In the age of Mochas and Baristas, the parents know better than to lock them up in a room!

Thirdly, dowry existed in India; it does in some parts now too. But it is diminishing at a rapid rate with what, all the guys becoming more gentlemanly, educated and citizens of the world. Everybody knows what started as a voluntary action turned into an obligation, the wheel which is now spinning back home again. So a girl’s father needn’t always give car/gold/utilities to the groom! Chances these days are the guy has better collections already than the father can offer! If you still find someone taking or asking for it, well, you know he doesn’t fit the above description and/or that he is a jackass! Some parents do fall for societal pressures. You can always get them not to bother about their peers if you have good communication skills. If you can’t then it’s not the “arranged marriage concept” that is at fault, it is you! And FYI, some love marriages involve the son-of-a-dowry too!

Fourthly, why castes, religions are so important- Because in olden days, the newly wed couples had no option but to stay with the grooms parents and as always with the “previous generation” at any point of time, rituals, customs and habits have to be sworn by, by the new bride. It was and still is difficult for most to change all habits, language, traditions, food etc. when there is a cross over. So our ancestors made intra religion marriages mandatory and put a price across the heads that didn’t follow just so that it would warn the future generations from being miserable all their life. In the current world, they still follow it, for the very same reason. So unless you know you are super flexible and would welcome a complete make over with open arms for the rest of your life, just follow what is proven! In the case you think that the rule is beneath you and your parents are mad about your choice, understand that they may not be open to change as you are! Its just an individual outlook.

Fifthly, restrictions based on zodiacs, gothras and the likes are all here for a reason. Something I hadn't understood when I wrote the first part. The constellations were used to recognize the month you were born, which based on its position has an impact on a person’s personality. Why? The initial development of humans is influenced by every single atom around. Physically and emotionally. At the time of your birth (month), there are specific stellar movements which create different auras accordingly. The radiations, weather and every universal aspect just like your immediate surroundings form your deepest traits. Even as grown-ups don’t you feel gloomy when the skies are all dark and depressing during autmn? Don’t you feel happy and cherished when colors of spring entice you all around? It works on similar lines. Observations have been made for ages and comparisons and compatibilities are hence tested even today. There are tons of exceptions as with anything and if you check, most of the “loved and then married” successful couples are zodiacally compatible!

The gothras in the grand span of human life, shortly put, are here to prevent the Y chromosome from being extinct due to overlapping defective genes! Our Vedic folks weren’t kidding when they designed this system. They had the knowledge of it without microscopes and other gadgets. May be hard to believe, but its all there for real.. And it’s not trash talk but is scientifically scanned news for you! I won’t give it all away. Look it up, trust me, it will turn out to be an eye- opener.

There is more, but enough for this post.

And to those who read part one-don’t gloat that you won on some points. This is the very same self evolution I was talking about in one of my comments. I am glad I wrote what I thought then and I am glad to have written now. I am happy that I did not give in to your arguments and found out I was mistaken on some points on my own. I saw sense in it myself rather than just agreeing with you. And so will it be. 

  

aeroyogi

25/2/2011

Allegory-Bridged..

The white of sunlight reflected on the gravelly surface of her refuge.. Her empty eyes were transfixed on the shadows induced by the thick leafless branches of the tree which stood close. Random lines on the low roof of the cave seemed like an artist's conspiracy to her.. Her mind fluttered incessantly within the deeply tanned skin and what she felt like burnt flesh. She tried to figure out the engrained puzzle on the wall while a moth beholding spring flew about with full spirit over her grizzled hair.

She never dreamed of this. She never wanted it in the first place. But yet there she was, desiring something she knew she had lost, aching for something she knew she probably never would have got in the first place and hoping against hope that the reality was false.

For someone who lived mostly in an unreal world, the truth seemed harsher than she had known it to be. Illusions of mind were dangerous. Building bridges across the playful musings of her conscience and reality proved to be catastrophic. She should have understood that long ago. As endearing as her fantasies were, it was time to give them up now.

Her self-loathing had reached an unsettling level. Somehow she abhorred herself more for not being able to understand what was on the wall rather than what had happened that day. Trying to give it a meaning seemed very important at that moment. Trying to attach significance to every slope in life was important to her. She didn't mind the blinding light that encroached her cave, her senses seemed to have hidden in the darkest corners. This wasn't a first. For the second time her fort had been torn down in the most similar way and although she looked less naked than earlier, she felt more assailable than ever. Anguish appeared to tear her apart in slices.. so much that her song which never left those pale pink lips was lost somewhere in her swarthy thoughts.

The shadows began to creep on to her agonizing thoughtless air castle, ridiculing her existence and purpose. That infuriated her.. Mockery was something she couldn't tolerate. She would have to just rebuild her fort elsewhere. She would have to walk strong again. She would have to emerge armor-clad for the next battle. She wouldn't give up. It was those playful colors in her mind that had made her stronger after all.

Or so she thought..

She walked out of her cave and lurched through the rubble around to find what she had lost. She needed her imagination to survive the lonely flight of life. Her clothes were ragged and her face was distraught. Fatigue and fear pulled her back but she fought. She would continue dreaming, for that was one place she needn't fight for survival, one place where objects moved at her command. She would find solace. Probably a little late but she definitely would! She would build her fort stronger this time, may be laced with some guile. A fort that couldn't be torn apart but only conquered. And if someone cared to try and succeed she would embrace reality. A thought that she couldn't fathom for now. But that was the only way. She would search for that better place, be it atop the highest mountain or along the deepest ocean. A place that she could fantasize without seeing the end. A place which would heal her reality. She had to be patient for it would reap what she yearned for.

The descending sun played tricks with her eyes. She thought she saw water rippling beside the cave. She collapsed on her knees when she saw the golden-white hooves of a centaur majestically strolling across the banks of the lake. The greenest of forests behind him with the twilight aura lighting up the dew drops like diamonds on leaves and the coolest of breeze brushing away her bruises. Her skin began to glisten fairy-like and her smile was returning. She knew nor cared to check if it was real, for she was in a place far blessed than the mortal world had ever delivered. Her rags disappeared and she sat high on the same branch of the same tree. She could see her fort walls towering high by the second at a distance, stronger than ever. She smiled. She would mend... in her own way.....

aeroyogi

9/5/2011

Colors of my land......

I clicked on the first link Google offered with much enthusiasm. It took about 2 minutes to open with an internet speed of around 60 mbps. Soon the center of my 17” monitor turned into a spectral fiesta with around 2” grey border on three sides.. Stars were twinkling on top of the page and I was so sure it was some pop up ad with zingy material. Wait no.. I could see some words like space, technology, research etc. amidst all the chromic orgy. I still refused to believe this was what I was looking for. It still looked like an advertisement, may be science-related one by a 15 year old. Looked for a close button, didn’t spot one. I refreshed. Nothing changed. Again. Again..

I conceded and I sat there in the basement of the lab with my jaw dropped down.

I tried to absorb all the material crammed into the small colorful box in the center of the screen. A black backdrop on the top housed some stars that kept going on and off, like the series bulbs that are used to decorate marriage halls. Pink, orange, blue, green, red inactive buttons adorned one side of the page while the latest news flashed on a box to the right (similar to the one all the way at the bottom of this page) in a shade of fluorescent green that reminded me of my 1^st grade coloring book. The bold lemon yellow title, poorly animated Indian flag in one corner, “Our chairman” tab next to products and organization capabilities, website visitor number on the bottom and a monitor resolution and browser suggestion drained me off what little life remained at the end of a long day. I slumped on my seat trying to digest it all.

This website, ladies and gentlemen, is supposed to depict the depth of our space technology, the achievements and failures of the prestigious Indian Space Research Organization (ISRO).

It was the first website I had ever come across that showcased “Our Chairman” with Past and Present drop-down options tab. Why is it so important to add the Biodata of the chairman on the company website? Nobody else is up there! And the 9 digit visitor number counting from 2008 seemed like a pathetic attempt to boast of their credibility, assuming that was intended. Why else would they display it??

I ventured a little more into the website, quite apprehensively, not knowing what to expect. I clicked on the first job openings link and was aghast. It looked like a scan from the newspaper ad! Trotted a little more and found a better page for a job with a long dead deadline. Printed in red bold, size 18 was- “Do not use 'Back' and 'Forward' button of your browser while filling up online application form.” And beneath it was an Aquamarine box with Magenta links leading to the “Post name” one wishes to apply for.

A country of billion people infested with programmers every few steps, patriotic youth ready to offer their computing skills free of cost for a better image of the nation and yet, we have a website harbouring a vision of human space flight by 2025 that says “Best viewed with a resolution of 1024x768 with Internet Explorer 7.0” and has artist imagination pictures of pink and yellow artificial satellites that are almost as big as the moon itself.

But somehow, amidst all this, I wasn't surprised at the different instructions and required qualifications from different set of people. I mean required technical qualifications for a job in our country depends on the impenetrable barrier of castes. You surely know that?! A SC/ST candidate is welcome to apply with just a 60% in B.E while the rest have to be 'distinct' with 70%+. A SC/ST candidate can be 45 years of age and still apply while the rest have ten years less to make it into the esteemed place. Somehow SC/ST's have capabilities for which others have to strive very hard! I wonder what practices they adopt in their households that give them a cut above the rest. As it is rightly said, India is the only country where people fight to be backward. And why wouldn't they if it offers so many added benefits?

And all this is supposed to portray us Indians as one of the leading competitors for human space flight in the near future! I wonder what would be compromised for the BC's then. May be eyesight or fitness??

India is nation of colors. We can find infinite combinations of the world's most bizarre distorts everywhere around us. But is it necessary to evince our nation's idiosyncrasies on a website that is supposed to publicize our space program on a global scale? Could there be a probability that the rocket scientists of our country didn't happen to stumble across the website? I mean, after all they are people who are invited to attend/preside on conferences across the world and bask in world class standards in both reputation and wealth. If they had seen the page of their organization, I would like to believe they would have been flabbergasted too and saw to it that a much more respectable portal was construed for a field that has billions of dollars in the funds which is ripped from middle class family vaults.

Logic yells that its more like nonchalance brimming amongst experienced people in power that justifies the situation right now or they are truly pleased with a website that looks like a nerdy teenager's blog. I dunno which one to hope for in this case.

Why does a website bother me so much? Because a website reflects the work and people who contribute to it. And being an admirer of the Indian space program, for its come a long way in a short time splendidly, I had hoped to see a little more sophistication in something menial in comparison as a website. When I see smaller companies including other government organizations, I atleast don't feel like closing at the instant I open a page. But to keep abreast with our space program I'd rather search other articles one by one!

All they have to do is put out an ad that says “Professional Web designer needed”. Compensation or not, tons of applications would arrive at their doorstep. Pick any and they are bound to own a better one than current version!

Forget the launch vehicles and X-SATs, get a simple, pleasant website that doesn't dance in the viewer's eyes. For the love of gravity, THAT is not rocket science!

aeroyogi

21/4/2011

Eyes of A man....

A dark auditorium on a light spring evening, the only light emanating from the big projector screen highlighted with blue and green, a hundred souls almost on the tittering edge of splitting from the bodies.. Nothing could be said about the sword hanging from the cliff. A pulse that seemed beyond humane was throbbing so hard that I was surprised it hadn't popped out yet.

And then the chieftain in the highest form steps in with such ferocity and confidence that would have had a Panthera leo wail in ignominy. That glowering eyes felt like hot ember with asperity like that of a cold sword dancing in it. I hadn't known or cared about this beast anytime in my life. All I had in mind was my pride. The pride that he could bring with his tribes to me, to my fellowmen. That, which would come off a passion that burnt in all for one reason or the other.

His authority clearly visible in the white of his eyes, took me aback for the split of the second that was shown on the screen. The danger that those eyes portrayed for the minutest second appalled the wits out of me. By the time I could recover from the power he essayed in the second, I was drowned in huge cries of joy, of pride, of faith, of persistence and of win. I barely could react to the captain's action that transformed the tottering souls into an ecstatic mob when I was downed in all the euphoria too. He had done it.. he had his mission accomplished. A serene smile with a hop was all that he let go before acknowledging the enormity. My country, needed something to be happy about. He had brought it upon us and it was a thing to look upto amidst all the muck that was happening around. I could surely imagine the heights of elation, considering I felt the pride myself, 7000 kms away from home.

I am talking about the captain of Indian cricket team that won the world cup. (Bit of reading for those who don't know about cricket ). If there is something I wouldn't forget about this world cup, it wouldn't be about Sachin Tendulkar united with “His Precious” or the wait it took to get there. It would be the skipper, Mahendra Singh Dhoni's eyes when he hit the last ball of Indian innings on the final of the world cup match. There he was standing on the brink of victory beneath pressure enforced by a billion people that would have diffused any normal man. He had fought for it. He had uplifted an entire nation's hopes that initially were buried in shambles and through all this, he stood solid, confident. Like he knew what was going to happen. How could he? And the winning shot that made even the saddest jump with joy and admiration- How did he manage to do it? He upheld a perfect timing for that six, a perfect swing of the bat and a perfect follow up. The terror in his eyes subsided only when he put his bat down after a that's-how-its-done- full swing, affirming he had hit the ball exactly where he intended. And only when I saw that clip over and over again like another billion people had, did I realize I was stunned less by that sixer and more by the way he did it. Ultimate confidence, courage, fire and desire. It showed a desire to finish things on his terms. A conviction to act according to the title he was proffered. A burning passion to do what he was expected of and what he excelled at.

I am not a gung ho fan of cricket. I like it because of the mood that its sets in when there is a win. (Will talk in another post about it). As with every other Indian, this game runs in my veins without much effort from my end. Like million others, I know its terms even though all my life I have watched only the semi's and finals of important tournaments and that too if they had India playing in them especially, Sachin Tendulkar. And naturally until then, I had no idea about the man or his actions recorded in the past. But at that moment, he was an inspiration. A leader of sorts as I read in various other articles that were true enough considering the team spirit and the zeal to win it all in this tournament. He depicted a man with an aim and showed he was tenacious enough to achieve it in grand panache.

Hardcore Cricket enthusiasts- don't get me wrong. Of course I appreciate Gambhir's almost century and Sachin's parade on his teammates shoulders. In fact, I rooted for the world cup just for Sachin. But this man, the captain, acted just the way a terrific leader does. Ofcourse, history will find many examples in this regard but to be there and actually see a leader at work inspires you at a different level. The look in those eyes will remain in probably all my years to come for that is a reminder of grit, of passion, of ability at adversity and of the true leader within.

aeroyogi

5/4/2011

Returning Home-2

Continuing my vacation...

I had grossly underestimated the Euro-Rupee conversion rate. I thought I could live like a queen spending lavishly on things I didn't need with one month's living expense abroad. I was served grandly in the face right from the cab that I took from the airport to the last day when I bought milk burphies for Re.1 that once used to cost 25 paise. I had a row with the auto driver when I saw Rs. 17 on the meter and accused him of not re-setting it before starting only to be told the minimum had gone up! A 500g packet of rusks now cost Rs 35 which once used to be Rs.20 with better taste. Street food like chats that was Rs.8 when I left, is now Rs.15 and every time I heard the price, I stared at the vendor like I stared at the immigration officer only to evoke “Elladardu rate jaasti aagide Medam” template response. (“All prices have gone up Madam”). And need I talk about petrol and entertainment? Pretty much had to borrow a lot from home by the end. I had no clue about it. "Its alright dear..Its alright.."..The old man was warming up to my condition..

***********

Of course I was eager to prove all of it otherwise and had some screw-ups there too! 22-25 degrees seemed warm and Salwars never were more comfortable before! Lots of surprising reactions..especially when I spoke Kannada. Contrary to what my tag suggested, I had my skills intact, infact improved if I may say. Being in a foreign country makes you realize how cool your own language is! Annoyed when people tried to switch to English, I still responded in Kannada and there were a few smiles and few frowns. It had skipped my mind that English was the official language in Bangalore given the number of in house “immigrants” without tags! The lady in the mall sniggered like I had come from a village when I started conversing in Kannada. Another row with a random techie-who-doesn't-belong-to-Bangalore-and-yet-complained-about-my-city. He just had chosen the wrong co-commuter to spill his woes.

A heartfelt suggestion that applies to all including me- If you don't like a new city, finish your job and get out of it quickly, Don't stay and whine about it in the aboriginal's ears.

I had also forgotten that by-two cup coffee was only allowed in the smallest of hotels and ended up asking for it at a place, lets say, its never been asked before and will never be in future. I had missed it all along and hence followed my starved instincts; not thinking twice that it was cold coffee that I was ordering.. "You actually asked for it!" said a scandalized friend while the rest of the group chortled. It brought me back to the reality from the past. 

By-two's are probably the best thing in Indian food culture. Saves money, gets you more quantity and actually just sharing it with someone else feels great. And the pseudo prestige that the current restaurants/outlets want to achieve by going all western is a big disappointment. Its not like people don't want to have by-two's anymore. They are just afraid of "not meeting the standards" of the place they have chosen to dine! They needn't serve everything by-two but when asked for it, the waiter can split it up rather than mocking the customer with a giggle and that can happen only when people can learn to express what they want in the out.

By this time the ghost of the officer had nothing to say.. He had almost faded seeing that he wasn't entirely right sticking the label on me.. Hope he had realized that the girl could travel beyond the extensions of her roots but she'd always carry them with her..

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So many changes.. so many surprises...May be this was what Luke meant by asking if I was ready.. No Luke, I wasn't.. Guess you had known these things yourself before..

I had realized something else- they don't brand one as a NRI for no reason. But saying so doesn't belittle the 'I' any more. If anything, its made me wanna shed the label for good. And time will come for that too. Until then I will just have to accept the changes and learn to live with it.

Oh there is just one thing that hasn't changed in India- The soap operas that granny watches faithfully all day, every day. They still wear the same annoying make-up/costumes, every actor still cries irksomely through out their screen time and as expected the plot isn't going anywhere.......Glad to know some things don't change.....

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By the end of the vacation, I was thinking of Holland and although I would miss every little thing of my city, it felt like going home too. May be a second home. For whatever short period of time it is, you still have a house and a daily routine to take care of. You buy groceries there, cook, struggle to live your dream and rest on your pillow at the end of the day. That's why they call it a RP.

***********

Landed back in Europe in utter darkness. But the good thing was I could see my man, Orion shining as brightly as he did back in India. Also,Sirius, utterly luminous, was telling “Yeah this time I'm gonna be around you...And everything is gonna be okay...” Have a feeling he might hold his word......

The immigration officer in Germany asked me my purpose of visit too but then she saw the pink RP and said with a smile “Ah! OK, I absolutely don't have any questions for you.” It was home....another one with a stamp alright....

***********peace***********

aeroyogi
17/3/2011