Allegory- Distorted...

To all those suffering from cognitive distortions and its after-effects. Realise. Repair. Redeem.

The door creaked as it slowly swayed to the winds of the fruiting autumn. The broken glass on the window echoed the final rays of an evening sun and the droplets of rain that had turned brown on the rooftop, trickled down imperceptibly along the sodden brick walls. She gazed across the far slopes of the Alpine sierra that had already pocketed snow in several of its hollows. The shepherds' kids, who still had the light in them, chased the piglets close to the stream that trickled away from her condominium. Looking along the horizon, she saw the towering framework of opulence, disdain and greed that once was a fragment of her socially decorous life. A life not too far in the past that had confounded her into the oblivion. She saw the lights, she heard the noises, all far away, but the stench of a life long lost still followed her much like a shadow of the day.

She dragged long and deep from between her fingers. The smell of her muddy hands combined with the unearthly taste of the reefer lifted her to a trance where she skipped to the beat of the drums beyond the sphere. Her eyes so glazed, reflected the dark of all eternity and flashes of her childhood bounced around . Ridiculed by a mother who only wanted her to be the best and untrusted by her father who only wanted her safe, often were her frolics held on the slippery edge of disappointment and ire. Learning to please her creators, she had checked herself strictly into submission to the point of foolishness. Through her loneliness, she discovered the joy of imagination. She meticulously built an empire of fantasies that filled every dry void in her soul. A place where she changed skin, lived a life so antithetic and prospered like no human could humanely do.  She never recognised that her abyssal craving for compliance had consumed her wholly from within her skull. Every moment she spent in reality begged her to go to that one place where she could reign over, where life wouldn't be so strenuous, where the elements danced to her wishes and where she remained unbeatable. Her fondness for her alternate lives thrived. She eventually detached from the bubble of reality and floated far into a place she deemed better.

The sad part about reality for her was that it never realised her worth. Every time she was pulled back into tangibility, she felt the inadequacies of a mundane life. Nothing could ever be perfect as in her exquisite mind. Not even her. Seeking acceptance from every one became her impetus. As she grew older, she nurtured the giant mirror that always lied.  Every time it spat an image so cruel, that she lost her song in the layers of the shiny silver. Her cognition was tampered with and her view was so braided that she found million shredded pieces of herself in every pixel of a seemingly antagonistic world.

She erred on this earth while she knew not why. She failed a thousand times unwittingly and the count only grew. Her friends called her a fighter but only she saw the rocks burying her beneath. Her guardians were finally pleased with her but she wondered how that ever came to be. People applauded and drew carpets for her while she only saw masked pity. Opportunities she grabbed seemed like a clear case of charity. How could the world elude logic and try to pacify her? She was nowhere near perfection that she was known for, in her other worlds, in those true places. Her brows formed a permanent gorge on her forehead and she had let the insanities of this world flow through it. No matter how many told her otherwise, she imagined that she was the reason for all the wrong in this world. She fell short of her own measure in a far better place and she could not live with it. The guilt of being contemptible could only hold her in reins so long. Her every imagined flaw had turned into an obsessive hound set to kill. She fled from this world to a place where one couldn't bother bringing her back any more.

!*

She slowly blinked in the haze of her present. Her intoxications had given her, her world within the world of apparent chaos, a world devoid of trials to pull her away. The bud had nearly faded in her fingers while her sight cleared from the past. The noises she hated grew louder and the lights brighter. They seemed much closer than she had perceived.The space seemed to have shrunk, with her view now over the mould-ridden walls of her neighbour. She looked around her house that never was a home. She couldn't care less about the loose door or the roof that leaked. Her accolades, all stood there mocking  aloud about the life she had misconceived.  The winds that picked up intensity grazed her bones as her leg slipped into thin air. She peered down the window sill of the urban tower that she was perched upon, to see the little playful piglets beckoning her. The meadows formed behind them and the stream trickled again. The busy metropolitan streets had paled into those green moulds of the south she yearned for, her happy place. She clutched the window and swung her other leg out facing the golden hue of the evening sky.

Her feet danced to the rhythm of the drums that continued to play from beyond. Everything else muted, she could hear herself breathe in tandem with the beats. The breeze whisked those stray locks away from her face and set them free. Her lips parted in a smile as distorted as her view was in the moment she let go of the plank. She sailed across and beyond, nescient of her tumult, gliding towards her one true love, her one true home...

aeroyogi

26/3/2014

!* Courtesy: Google Images

Daisy

Look what you just did to me Sniggy! 


Like the forces of the universe,
Gentle as a breeze,
With a twist no terse,
She dances with ease..

Much like a raindrop,
A touch too soft,
Playful like a top,
Are her steps so aloft.

The curve of her arm,
And the spring in her feet,
They twinkle, those eyes;
Just to the beat.

A million daisies fly,
When her lips part to smile,
As the stars pass by,
It races a heart a mile.

She swooshes across,
Her gait no trick,
Like the waves on a shore,
With elegance galore.

Who is she? a fairy, an angel?
Agile but strong, she keeps me dim,
Beguiled, I gaze at that grace in trance,
Reason eludes and am I so lost...

aeroyogi
5/1/2014

Allegory- Insurrection...

To a mirror image, to an inspiration, to a wonderful, wilful woman I know... 

The howling winds only made her strong.. She couldn't stop smiling as she gasped for breath.. Intense and heavy as was the recent past, she was just glad it was all over.. Not feeling the pain, not feeling that pinch of guilt any more, and not surrendering to all her fantasies made her feel powerful.. even amidst that fire shooting through her skull.. She felt her flesh being cut open with a blunt knife and yet all that she sensed was intense relief.. The feeling of self and the feeling of being..

The cosmos had played tricks with her.. She had been taken on a mammoth ride..She had tried hard not to throw up and be embarrassed.. unsuccessfully of course! With twists that shattered her body and tugs that ruined her soul, she was bruised beyond repair.. Harder as her grit got, stronger were the forces that sheared it apart until she had flowed all over the place.. One couldn't blame the coldness that eventually cast in and the hardness that followed setting her flesh in stone.. She had found it hard to forgive, a trait that she prided on long before the circumstances.. Her grin had turned lopsided and it seemed like it could never change..
 

What more could a stone turn into? She sensed one day.. The forces weren't enough to break her any more and the whips of misfortune couldn't maim her henceforth.. They kept striking like similar waves on a shore to no sensational effect.. She knew the end was no where near but a certain numbness erased any evidence of worry in her. The realization embodied as a dim but strong light in her.

She toppled onto the top and stood glaringly against the elements that mocked her.. That had, had her in their reins and then beaten into a swarm of blazing lava..That which tricked her into building trust on a mantle brick by brick only to shake its very foundation cruelly.. But acceptance had become her friend.. her strength.. the source that breathed life through her at her worst.. Her fortitude had remained a humble servant and her new found love for patience and nonchalance rejuvenated her..

She stood there with rooted feet as the winds nearly tore her skin, as the fire charred her bloody black and as gales of fumes swallowed her lungs. She stood there with the broadest smile one could have and the peace innate felt golden to her. The forces shrunk with every quarter of her widening mirth..and she felt her strength return.. The bliss of letting go of her hatred, doubts and complaints had been the key.. She let them all go in exchange for apathy and she felt radiant. Closure was what she had needed and bruised beyond relief was what helped her.. The act of an ending was marked by the start of a new beginning.. A beginning that promised nothing in return for all that she went through. The field wide open and blank, was becoming her favourite playground. Oh! what a feeling not to feel a thing! She knew that eventually this had to stop. There was not enough strength in the universe to bring her down. She now knew she could handle it. Letting go of sand that slipped by, of bricks taken down by force, of pillars that were never hers and of a domicile that never would be was becoming easier by the second. Her fortification of rebellion was growing strong and she stood mutinous within. She wouldn't beg for a change. Her pride of all wasn't lost. The forces would drop their guard. Her rebirth would well be spectacular and when it ensued, she would be prepared to strike with vengeance. For now, she shrunk so small within that familiar, safe, diffident inferno of her insurrection that she could breathe nothing but the abhorrent present off her heated hulk. Peace vested her, her eyes closed and all that was left was a wise, radiant smile...

aeroyogi
16/9/2013

All I have...

Out that window, I watch them so pretty

Little flakes of snow, so flossy and naughty,

Woolen socks and nasty boots I adorn,

Gone with the wind were those thoughts forlorn.

I spring to the streets with a song so mush

But merry tiny blobs, I see, masquerades in slush

I slip and I grip that twig I thought was a brick,

Fallen and bruised….. Am I the nature’s trick?

I stand upright though pickled and grime,

The tot down the lane finds mirth in mime,

Admonition from the guardian echoes so shrill,

My song is lost amidst the needles of chill.

It was a song, a lyric of dreams,

That penned beside those lovely streams,

Day and night had I buried as one,

Those flakes I thought, would deliver me from the run.

As much as I flaunt a soul so callous,

Daunting is the current that unfolds so brumous,

A crowded desert is no place to find that one twin,

A domicile less overt is no trail to trace in the din.

I flounder in that slush with that song in the core,

Straining to hear the clucks of hooves and more,

Those dreams are all I have with me willed,

A hit or I miss; the lyrics are regardless spilled…

aeroyogi

10/12/12

Life in Netherlands- Part 9 - Met vriendelijke groet...

It was 2 am on a slightly wet Sunday. I was on top of the library dome as I had been on several occassions. I had returned from one of my midnight strolls around the campus. Those familiar routes that I took during the day always seemed so different, so warm and welcoming when the lights had faded.

Like more often than never, the slope was deserted at that hour. I climbed up top and stared at the horizon. The lights from the green houses far east reflected in the sky making it look golden even at that hour of night. Many students of science still ensured that the EWI and 3ME facades shone brighter than the stars. A bunch of clouds heading from the south-west were setting out to blanket the few constellations that were visible from up there. The grass was as soft as ever and the night couldn’t  be more silent. I loved it, as always. I laid down on that amazingly well manicured grass. Perfect time and place to let out my thoughts and get some answers from the cosmos.

That one friendly slope..

But as I lay on the green bed of solitude, peace and unspoken acquaintance, I realized that it was probably the last time, in a while atleast, that I was going to be up there. Earlier that week, I defended my thesis and hibernated for two straight days. I had crossed the finish line, something that was just a dream and a doubt for a long time and it hadn’t even sunk in yet. It had been a long, incredible journey. A tiresome one, in more than one way. Unlike most, I had a lot more to account myself for than just exams and grades. Just about 45 days short of a 3 year stint in this resplendent country was coming to an end. And what an experience it had been!

Many vivid memories, good, bad and the ugly ones flashed by. Those rebellions, the countless arguments, that unmeasured amounts of blood, sweat and tears that had been shed in the past 4 years were all coming back. And as if to compensate, there was the pure joy when I realized I was finally doing what I wanted to. The brilliant opportunities I got, the fantastic friends that I made, the wonderous sights I saw, the incredible lessons I learnt both in and outside class, those many experiments-some that succeeded and most which failed...Wow! It was in this country that I learned what life was all about.. A place where I felt more like an engineer...A place where I could break from the shackles of blind theism that had only lead me downhill.. Most importantly this is where I made peace with my inner self and I cannot do justice in describing that one feeling here.

That one canal..

As these thoughts gathered, I saw a satellite cross above me. I loved following them as long as my gaze could hold. That globe of dark clouds was engulfing a lot quicker and the satellite prompltly disappeared behind it. My thoughts went back to all the places I‘d miss around there. Through out my studies, I often heard complaints from people about Delft. Facts like it is very small and uneventful compared to bigger cities of Holland cannot be disgraced. Nevertheless, it remains a beautiful little city especially once you know it well. Some spots of this historic city would always remain with me for the sheer support it lent with its beauty. The Oostport, the library rooftop, the canals that ran throughout the city are all sublime designs to calm a rampant mind. It would be impossible to forget the destressing late night walks and the jogs around these places, especially after hectic lab hours during the last few months.

I was shaken from this riviera by Holland’s trademark drizzle. Enough to send your lazy bottom in search of a roof but not enough that you’d have to change into warmer clothes! I smiled realizing it had stopped bothering me over the years and in fact, I slightly enjoyed it. I sat up straight and just soaked in that scene for a while longer. I did not want to get down that slope that night. TU Delft’s library (by the way, ranked as the 4th coolest library in the world ;)) had been a friend of sorts to me. It had played host to a lot of birthdays, coffees, exam preparations, a few beers, sun-sets, star gazing, philosophical and scientific debates, heart-to-heart conversations, snow-fights, yoga and meditation on warm mornings and so much more! It had seen me blunder, heard my musings, responded to my ruminations in ways I can’t describe and at the end always elevated my senses! I’d miss that place most of all.

I eventually headed downward letting gravity do most of the work. TU Delft logo caught my eye from across the street and I realized how incredibly lucky I was to have been under that umbrella. I wouldn’t choose another place for studying! I wished I had only done my bachelors there as well. Time and again I have envied those who have been able to finish their entire studies in Delft. That night was no different. I remembered the remarkably awe-inspiring minds I met there, things I learnt from them, the ideas I exchanged all of which transformed me into something I wished for when I left home. I had gotten what I asked for- An experience of a lifetime and knowledge transcending mere coursework. And I wished I could have stuck around for longer but then it reminded me of something I read a while ago- If you begin to get too comfortable with a place, you know its time to move. It was better to do so while I still could. As I had learnt in Holland, life is very short and the world is too damn big and exciting for a human to be holding on to one impression.

Holland had shown its varied facets to me over these years. For an oddball that somehow managed to hop out of the well, it had been kind sometimes and not so much the others. But each time, it only made me stronger. And for that I will be ever grateful. And now, even as I type this sitting about a few hours away from the place that had become my second home, I cannot help but feel distant and desolated.

I kept postponing this article because I wanted to give this series a grand ending but nothing seems to harmonize with the spirit inward from a long time. Evincing a myriad of emotions pertaining to this journey has been harder than I thought and I do not want to conclude this series. I shall pause for now.. May be there is another life here... May be there is more, or may be some day I will unearth that psyche unknown who can verbalize better...

For now dear Holland, Tot Ziens!

Oostport

aeroyogi

13/10/2012

Life in Netherlands- Part 8- Dutched...

Life in the past 3 years in this country has taught a lot...Including adapting to new cultures and places...Being in a completely different cultural setting proved to be scary, exciting, enriching and rewarding. From wondering how I’d live here for 2+ years by just smelling pancakes at the airport to enjoying them in their entirety has been such a revelation on various levels. It is nearly impossible to jot down all experiences here in detail. So here I note, just some random musings, pointers, observations, experiences of nearly 3 years in the country of windmills (which, by the way, is such a cliché!) - all bundled in that little part of the brain that handles memories. Systematic, chronological extraction from source not guaranteed.

(Blogspot is giving me a hard time getting the photo locations right. Will upload some to this barren article as soon as I can fix it.)

• It is gonna be hard to appreciate any internet speed less than 30 mbps after living in Holland.
• Love the endless miles of cycle and pedestrian paths in this country.
• I couldn’t have asked for a better Aerospace faculty anywhere! The facilities, student teams, the opportunities, getting to learn from some of the great minds of today….I bow down…
• I will forever remember the day I sat in an aircraft cockpit for the first time… and it was a real F-16! J Even though the engine is stripped down for studies, it is the most striking thing on the campus.
• But the new mementos of scientific innovation across the campus with description are pretty damn cool too!
• Talking about cool places, the Fellowship is an awesome concept.
• The structures lab hosting every single part of an aircraft for individual studies- Wow!
• The magnificent horse drawn carriage carted by a beautiful Dutch woman, which passed in front of the faculty every Sunday morning with rays of summer light penetrating through the long line of trees - The most beautiful scene ever on a very mundane day! Watched this every week from across the street…
• I first look to the left and then my right before crossing a road as opposed to what I followed for nearly 2 years since I came here. It was a habit that wouldn't die soon given the years of training in school and home to survive Indian roads. “Look to the right, look to the left and then cross the road….” Well, it was a hard change, but I got there.
• Barbecuing seems like a natural thing to do even if the tiniest bit of sun rays creep in. Yes, despite the fact that I stay away from meat, the concept, the people, the spirit....I love it all...
• The only response I got for “Which meat goes into a Kroket?” was “I don’t know..I actually don’t wanna know!”… Every single time I asked!
• A veggie Kroket in between a bun with mustard sauce + milk was my lunch on many afternoons. I made some of my Dutch friends really proud! 
•  I finally got the Dutch ‘G’ sound right! J
• My Turkish friends will wince at this but I still thank them for the Falafals. However bad you think the taste has been compromised in this country, the Doner stalls have been my safe haven. I could not have imagined my life without them here!
• Japanese wok, Vietnamese loempia, German Schnitzel, Italian coffee, Turkish pizzas, Dutch Pancakes and Oliebollen dipped in ground sugar- I have devoured you all time and again and you have pleased me much beyond my expectations. Thank you. 
• It floors me that a country which sells French fries by the kilos manage to look like atheletes.. Yes, the entire country!
• After being protected by parents, TU Delft international office for a long time, I did understand the difficulty of finding a house and furnishing it.
• I do know the existence of a thing called TV… We had one in the “common room”. We switched it on, on the day we got it (for ‘gratis’ by the way) and then again on….… well, that’s about it.
• Despite the fact that I will forever beat me up around this episode for some memories; I did learn how to fix a flat tyre!
• Speaking of bikes, I will never forget the day I saw this really old couple cycling hand in hand across the canal with such happy, old, toothless, wrinkly smiles on their faces that definitely glowed brighter than Holland’s sun!
• And talking about unforgettable strangers, the guy in the train from Arnhem who travelled on my OV discount card, the old lady at Dominos one evening-talking about all the amazing things she had done in her life, the potters in Delftse Hout, the nomadic hippie couple that gave away free tickets, a stroopwaffel and some awesome stories at the dead of night waiting for the trains, the falafel guy who made my dinners at reduced prices on most evenings… You will all be remembered for inspiring me in your own way..
• Heineken is overrated!
• Douwe Egberts coffee in the machines sucks!
• Multivlaai is a must-try!
• Magnificent French Chardonnay + long walk to the lab + music = A walk I will remember.
• That one night I couldn’t stop smiling, cycled back in air and guttled paratas+channa like never before in my life- I shall remember. ;)
• All the amazing food, drinks and company in those tens of potlucks, pub-crawls and shindigs: Strangely, I cannot remember all the details!
• Amsterdam doesn’t mean “Eurotrip” experience only. It is quite a vibrant, culturally and technologically advanced city otherwise too.
• And the Dutch are not stoned most of the time contrary to the popularly thought. In fact amongst all the people I knew here, the Dutch were the least number of smokers.
• Netherlands has the highest population density but visibly lesser number of people at any given point in space and time.
• Those bridges that go vertical always cracked me up! Don't ask why!
• A calm country with no potentially harmful idiosyncrasies that threaten its security or image. You will find it to be a technology and research oriented country with a rich set of highly educated/ qualified individuals.
• One does start feeling the spirit of 'Orange' as time goes by. One will not mind wearing the bright florescent Orange gear out on streets! One has to witness Queen's day-that is when you see how crazy the Dutch can be! It is like one day of the year they are allowed to be who they actually want to be as opposed to who they should be!
• Constant rain will be the only companion you can trust completely to be there with you irrespective of your desire.
• Finally, Oh, dear Holland! Thy be Blessed! For I shall cherish the impeccable sculptures that your sons are...Tall, blond, blue-eyed, those torsos and legs born out of constant cycling…Sigh…Many of your sons have sent my friends and me giggling away happily on several occasions. You have raised them well.  Your daughters too, but you would understand if I spoke more about your sons now, wouldn’t you? 

aeroyogi

10/08/2012

He called me a gal..

This is for a friend... Hope you find your redemption, Cinderella! :)

Baggy tracks and unthread brows,

A punch and thump, for all I was known,

No gloss, no roses, had ever caught my eye,

Every guy in town was a buddy of mine.

Then he comes, he comes like a man,

The doors were held and the stairs were fanned,

Hard enough to stand, this unusual tenderness,

Fuddled I talk, like a drunken pan.

I danced to his tunes, his tunes so mesmeric,

His voice so deep and the eyes that flashed

He called me a gal, a gal in real,

I could bow to the man, as I would to none.

He exudes elegance, gentle and strong,

I was stormed from the weight of the crown,

My rolled up sleeves and torn jeans so wrong,

Were just like that of the ol’ guys downtown.

I knew not this feeling, for it was surreal,

Thence, I mess up with my hallmark blow,

I am reminded, the ugly duckling that I am,

I holler for more, like the gates of a dam.

He turns away, repelled and appalled,

I smile, cos’ I know he was galled,

I excise the spirit that steered him away,

Leaving the memory, fresh like in May.

A wise world, for I see it now,

A new start, for I make it now,

Forever, will that gentleness touch-

that hoyden who adored it so much.

aeroyogi

13-7-2012

Agent Kats is back! (Story-3)

For those who are reading Agent Kats series for first time, please note that it is always semi-fictitious and I have NO violent bones in my body! Any resemblance to living, dead, zombies or what you (might) sometimes feel is truly-swear-by-my-thesis unintentional. To know more about Agent Kats, please drop by here and here.

In the most unexpected of moments, Agent Kats just popped up today! She is such a ray of sunshine when days get all monotonous and tiring due to unbeatable, increasing-by-the-second pile of work. Of course I try not to get her involved too much but some days you just canNOT help but use brute force!

There is a reason why they call it the 'silent room'. If I wanted atrocious, unsynchronized, senseless pounding in my ears, I might have as well waited to make my report in the middle of Dames square on Queens Day. I was working in the extra-silent section of the library so as to reach my highest concentration and productivity levels on a rather dark, drowsy Sunday afternoon right before Spring break. You can imagine how easy that must be! Well, it was almost as if I had the entire library to myself barring few other oddballs like me. And it seemed like I could do a lot that day.....

And then enters a lanky, tall, brown-bush-haired, annoying version of Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, you can imagine that as well I suppose! I knew him generally and a genius that he is, his parents have my respect for conjuring a super-brain and putting it in his head; really. But its ends there. A self-obsessed, arrogant, insolent, nonchalant creep that he was, he had to pick the spot right behind me. And as if all the charming qualities he possessed weren't enough, I discovered that day that he likes to use his keyboard as a punchball. What's with people when they pound their keyboards like it cheated on them with their partners/spouses? Be a little gentle to the machine and respect it a little, even if you are next in line to win a Nobel prize. His table was literally shaking with all the hammering and its not a pretty sound in a nearly empty glass house, especially if the desk right behind you is buffeting like a Boeing at high a-o-a. To add salt on raw wounds, he had to grumble (aloud!) about science-knows-what when clearly, there was a sign that said “Stilte a.u.b!” (Silence please!)

The muttering and ramming continued for a while and my day of high expectations was inching closer to devastation. I couldn't move to another spot as that computer was running simulations which wasn't backed up yet! My head began to throb and I almost whirred around to confront him. That's when I felt a deep shiver go down my spine. The glass all around began to resonate with some unknown energy. I felt like I was going to fling myself on that annoying brainiac. It took a great deal to stop myself. I clung on to my chair and that's when a translucent shell flared out of me. I knew it! It had to be her. She couldn't stay in anymore; not with all the ramming and muttering when all she needed was peace and quiet. The dark-haired, athletic maiden with eyes as sharp as a steely knife had come to my aid. It was her-Agent Kats! Phew! It had been more than a year since I saw her... What a treat to the eyes!

Agent Kats flew out of the vibrating shell like a ninja and landed right next to the guy. Before he could sense her, Agent Kats raised her iron-arm high and with one swift blow pounded his fingers into the keyboard. She kept pounding his hand, until he cried like a 5-year old boy. He tried arrogantly to push Agent Kats away, but that just infuriated her even more!

She rammed his head into the monitor, plucked its wires off the sockets and wrung it around his neck. His eyes were popping out but she couldn't have cared less. She grabbed the keyboard right beneath his squashed fingers and whacked him hard enough to crack his skull. The whole library seemed to float in his blood. Somehow, I was not touched by any of this goriness.

At that moment, she whipped out her OMG23 console and spun it high in the air. Gold and red of the console flashed so fast that it almost became invisible. A giant gust of air started rising from the ground and I felt a slight tug. Agent Kats had lifted me up with her and placed me on the window sill of the towering library. The view was absolutely breathtaking. I hadn't realized before that the roof of the library dome was so high... Wait, it wasn't, it just was Agent Kats. She wanted me to be safe from the rising blast of air and had elongated the roof higher. The guy was waking up and I began to wonder why Agent Kats wasn't doing anything. What if he escaped ?

!*

At that very moment, I saw it. A giant vortex began circling along the walls of the library. It was red........Oh! It was his blood! He was trapped in a vortex of his own blood that had been shed before! The spinning OMG23 console picked up speed and the blood-y air only gathered more momentum. The annoying guy was spinning rapidly, hitting the walls and knocking past spinning chairs and computers in the vortex. I could sense that the inertial forces were very high and he would never be able to get out of it himself. He was screaming, I could see, but nothing was heard over the OMG23 as it was emitting a high frequency noise not unlike rotor blades! It was almost hard for me to breathe.. I was feeling woozy just looking down upon the core of a giant vortex. Agent Kats looked at me and she knew it was time to end it. She flung herself high and landed unscathed right in the center of the core. She started spinning, reversing the curl like it was child's play! Boy, could she play with physics! I couldn't help but admire her even more.. She was creating her own vortex, the Kat-vortex. She began to rise while gyrating and was now alongside her console. The counter-rotating vortices had begun to merge into each other and the annoying guy was overstretched on all sides. The blood vortex and Kat-vortex formed a mixing layer of high viscosity. The geek who got stuck in this stratum began to feel the traction and was almost unconscious now. That's when Agent Kats stopped spinning and retracted her OMG23 console while hissing something deep to it. The second she did it, the highly turbulent vortices exploded and completely dissipated into thin air. The force expelled blew the glass house into smithereens. I was so sure I'd be the prey of all the exploding shreds of glass but Agent Kats knew not to hurt me. She had created a bubble of high polymer density around us and was smiling when I looked up. The dust was settling down and there were monitors, keyboards, and processors everywhere amidst the broken glass. The guy was nowhere to be seen around and I didn't want to know what happened to him. Agent Kats shrunk into her cocoon and floated towards me. I looked reproachfully at her reckoning the collateral damage she had caused. But she looked gravely at me and said “You know deep down that it had to be done” and she drifted right back into me.  She was right.. It was unbearable torture before Agent Kats had appeared that day.

Why do people provoke Agent Kats? Why can't they remain silent when they ought to? As much as I love seeing her time and again, its just painful in many ways when she leaves....But, nevertheless, Thank you Agent Kats...

aeroyogi

2-3-2012

!* From google images!

The Flame..

This poem contains references to some of my old ones. If you ever got those, you'll get this one too! :)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The flame of sin slowly subsides,

As truth slips beneath the mask,

That realization have I dawned upon,

All which time had cried loud about.

The macaw, I thought, was a distant dream,

The soul, I thought, was reposed as it seemed,

But alas!

The rein of sin has never been tighter,

The guilt, while I knew, has always been lighter.

A call of the unknown psyche,

From the depths of the widest hell,

A gallant shore, I thought, it had touched,

An answer heard, that seemed pure and true-,

was a cruel joke that vanity had brewed.

The cloak reminds me of its growing fondness,

The cliffs tell their tale of pride,

Have I yet to set out and conquer,

A run, that seemed to evade the mind..

Clarity flutters along the crimson band,

The will to fight, joins in hand,

Renewed vigor is the seed sown fresh,

On the lam, to flourish in flesh.

A pattern, as I see, life concocts,

That, which bonds with the lyrics of the past,

How astounding, for a human to err,

Undulating akin to a mammoth curl…

The oil of lust all dries out,

The flames of sins all die out,

The thirst to fight has never been stronger,

A crusade that now titillates the soul deeper..

I light up the milieu as the dew whistle behind,

For I know, the haze of sin will perish in time,

Engulfed is the psyche in the flame I ignite,

Peace is the pledge from this flare so bright….

aeroyogi

25-11-11

Allegory-Indulged...

Her heart was thumping out loud.. She had waited long enough. A part of her warned her. But clouded as her sight was on the starry night, she could not stop looking out for her desire to materialize. Her young bosom heaved as she inhaled the sharp cold winds that played with her mane. There had been an urgency that day. A sensation that often surfaced but never overpowered, had finally succeeded in its try. She would go for it. The mistake she knew she was going to make, She would do it. There were a million implications that could arise from it, most which wouldn't be pleasing. And yet she had unthawed her sentiences and had gotten ready for the plunge. It hadn't seemed like a fallacious plan then. But what was she thinking?

As her obscure hope churned to reality, she felt the earth give away beneath her feet. She dreamily rose to a majestic height barely agnising it. The stars twinkled jocundly over her and the winds flirted all the more with her smile. It seemed perfect. It seemed chaste though she knew she would regret that rashness. Not all are intrepid enough to face their heart's desires out in the open. Not all can feel proud of finding and following what they long for. Because not all desires are innocent and not all of them are supposed to be sought out. There is a reason why they say Desire is the cause of all sorrows. But who is to tell a fickle mind that it needs the very thing it cannot have?

She danced a tango to the music within her. The helplessly inebriated tune of fantasies, craving and self-deception. She had succeeded in bridging her illusions and reality. She plundered around, defiled nature and tarnished milieu. Right above the place revered by millions. She flew long and far all night.. She felt light and satiated.. She crooned like the happiest macaw and glowed like the brightest lily. She had begun to feel probably she was mistaken about the repercussions. The feeling wasn't exactly yelling caution.

Only when the sun glinted on her quenched soul did she sense the air around her. It didn't smell like freshly watered grass anymore. It didn't seem to conceal her serendipity like a tree's shadow anymore. She tried to justify it then, but words failed her. She tried to make sense out of it. She, who was known for her unwavering determination, had given in to a silly heart's desire like a toddler. She didn't understand how, she of all people, was capable of such sacrilege..

What's with a human desire? A strong power that could detain the senses and evince the worst..A colossus that could upheave normalcy and play with the tender twigs of righteousness.. She searched for an answer. Nothing that evidenced, pleased her. She had never understood how an organ rendering blood could influence her decisions, but she realized it now. That, what she always said-All is in the mind, was unproved by herself. She had been twisted to the whims of her heart. And she had thought she had it all in her rein.

The guilt was stabbing her, the ignominy of running behind sweet vicious fantasies were taking a toll on her. She wouldn't blame the cosmos for leading her to her desire. She wouldn't blame her desire that manifested itself in a way she wanted.. She had none to curse for how she felt, cos it wasn't the action itself that was corroding her but how she gave into it without resistance and how she went through with it sans a thought or regret, knowing she would feel otherwise when the air changed.

She just would had to live with her mistakes. She had followed her impulse without questioning and she was bearing the brunt of it. She would have to fix her roots to where they belong and nurture them from the start. And it was going to be a long journey. The flux of dreams and reality had cost her, her pride and dignity.

But she also realized that she wasn't a dead soul, she was only human and who is to desire a desire better than the frail human flesh? She was going to mend by embracing her mistakes. They did not make her any different a person than she used to be. She was glad she wasn't made of stone that most presumed she was. She was glad she wasn't strong for once. It was ok to take a break from being perfect and do something reckless. She was glad to know she was capable of defying her principles. Knowing that would only stop her from repeating it again.

Her foolhardiness was now making her wiser. It had cleared her sight to paint a picture of her true righteous desires. Her tangled brain had lead her in an uncertain roller coaster ride towards clarity. The guilt that nibbled her away was now leading her towards serenity. It was just one of the other million things she had to avenge wisely and she would do it.

She broke off her self embrace and looked up at the sky. The tiny whites were receding and the golden orb was warming the earth. The first of the rays lapped deep into her skin and it promised a new hope, new wisdom and a new vision. She had made peace with herself. A new day had come; that something she recognized, was not so new in her life.

aeroyogi

5-10-11