Jennyfer...Jennyfer...

Its a hard life

To be a tough girl

But deep within

You have not been here.....

Jennyfer..

Its a dirty kind of love..

Jennyfer

You don't need it anymore

Let your heart have a rest

Its been broken so many times before..

I dunno what Crucified Barbara team had in mind when they wrote/sang this song...It was accidental that I heard this song today but it impressed upon me that this is so true; for so many girls in so many different ways... whatever the band intended, they wouldn't in their direst imagination conceive the ideas that are currently running in my mind..I somehow can't express all my musings here and be assured, you don't want to stand amidst my thought processors sometimes. You will burn out by the mere heat emanating from it, forget swimming in the bus systems.

But yes, being a tough girl isn't an easy job. Her mind has been tampered with many times in many ways and she has survived it all. She derived strength from those moments. But somewhere close to the mind-(I no longer believe in the concept of hearts, Its always, ALL IN THE MIND!)- tougher the girl, stronger her are emotional minuses. To the world she might be a daredevil, but once her deepest negative emotion is stirred, she can destroy everything she built for herself through her emotional foolishness. She can embarrass herself when ought not to, she can forget her goals, dreams, ideals and every other thing that actually matters to her when pricked at the place where it hurts. Strong girls aren't always strong! All you have to know is the cave she always avoids when she goes hunting. Finding that may be a little difficult, but once known, she is your puppet!

I recently had a chat with some Indian girls and their predicament was the first thing that struck me when I heard this song. I will talk about Indian girls only here cos I haven't come across a girl from the western world who seemed to fit into the description below.

There are a lot of Indian girls who are quite brave. Those who dare to dream, those who dare to pursue and those who have a vision in life. But most drop out of it early in life. Let me share few facts, I'm feeling generous.. Most Indian girls-strong or not have a common emotional negative-Parents! I call it a negative cos its the emotion towards them is always in excess. Its like a combination of all emotions in one bundle that is way too much for the bag to handle and hence is overflowing. Indian girls are capable of feeling/showing love, gratitude, hate, resentment, desperation, obedience, depression, anger and respect, yes RESPECT towards their parents all at the same time. How a simple frown on the parents' faces can melt even the toughest of girls!

Indian girls have always had a rough run since ages. Our western counterparts might have endured it in the past(quite minimal when compared to Indians), but I don't think there is a cause for worry anymore for them. Things have changed a lot in the recent. But for the desi girls, its restrictions, parental/peer pressure and a million other requirements to be the best of the lot. The worst part is these work effectively in creating a negative aura around the girl and only when triggered by the parents! The mentality is such that the parents do not let go off one day in her life without reminding her of her bounds, duties, flaws and requirements. Probably its this emotional scar that was created at her birth that fails to keep the tough girl going tough! Some obligation, some acceptance to defeat, some unknown finality that she always knows she would have to bow down to.

“For the first time in my life today, I truly despised being a girl. There have been times in the past when I have cursed/wished I wasn't born a girl. They were silly and stupid. But it was only today that I realized the implications of being born an Indian girl.” The friend I was chatting with poured out to me. Listening to her story, I felt she was acting a lil' stupid! All her parents did was to Skype her with a frown on their faces about her recent decisions of going abroad and the related issues. She had broken down..rather they had broken her down. A girl of grit was now in pieces. And the main reason? They had thought of getting her married! I thought it shouldn't be a big deal. After all, it takes time for everything. She'd still have time. But then she asked me to stand in her shoes. I did. The situation I then saw was different,scary! And yes, horrible. Imagine you are 22 years old with truckloads of dreams and visions for the future and you are asked to follow a guy(of course after the marriage!!!) wherever he goes and that too across continents. The girl is allowed to study/work but, choice limits to the options in the city/state the guy lives. Its hard when a parent doubts your abilities and points out a recent “mistake in decision”, turns all droopy eyed and sore-throaty and adds few sentimental statements that pinch you cold and hard like Holland's rain.(The ultimate one being “Our destiny, this is the fate we have been entitled to” in the most despairingly vacant voice and a deep expression of resignation etched on their face.) Its hard to maintain your go-get-it attitude or kick-the world-in-the-shins demeanor or your I'll-live-the-way-I-want confidence or for that matter your come-what-may-I'll-fulfill-my-dreams enthusiasm. I realized when she said it..its all crushed by one statement from the other end. And this works only on Indian girls I think! I can't see the western counterparts falling for such acts. The bond/attachment/what-the-hell-ever it is, runs high and fast only in the Indian girl's veins I guess. It is easy to break strong girls eh? Those girls who are actually capable and enthusiastic of doing something worthwhile with their lives rather than just getting married and continuing the tribe. Parents may not knowingly en-cash it but they do!

And along the same lines-I don't understand some of the traditions that have been followed since times immemorial, across different parts of the world. (Okay you might have come across exceptions, but that is not the usual..) Why is it that, the woman is asked to relocate with her man? Why is it that she is required to change her last name to his family name? Why is it that always her options depend on the guy's situation?? I know things change when there is a kid involved because the maternal hormones are hell more prominent than anything else in this world.. But why until then is she always limited?? They say girls and boys are treated equally these days. Whoever says that are BSing..BIG TIME.... I have loads of other questions-most for which I know the answers that lead to greater BS. I don't think you should come any closer to the processors now!

Deeply rooted blind and biased belief systems, unchangeable mentalities, fear of questioning elders, exceptional respect for elders, exceptional expectations from the children-all these not seen in the western world runs like blood in the body in Indian ménages. I dunno if it should change or if it ever will (I do hope it does to some extent in all families and not just the rich and fancy) but all I know is strong girls have their weaknesses. Those who are capable of exploiting it(a.k.a parents), do so. But if the girls can hold on to their senses for those exceedingly excruciating moments of emotional torment, then it is definitely possible to find a way out of every black hole! After all, girls who dare to dream also dare to cross hurdles and usually are equipped with a bit of common sense and a talent to leap over troubles!

And now, I hear another apt song on the radio-Lindsay Lohan's “That girl was me”.. :) This one is also so damn true! Drama queen or not..Check it out.....Let the lyrics inspire and the music re-energize you...

“There was a girl I knew who always wanted to be the one to stand out from the crowd

Always believed that she was gonna live her dreams

That what went down was gonna come around

For all the doubters, non-believers, the cynicals that once were dreamers

One of these days you'll open up your eyes

And you'll realize

[Chorus:]

That girl was a one time teenage drama queen

A hot, tough everyday wannabee

But she'll have changed her destiny 

Now she's a somebody

That girl was a wild child dreamer but she'll find herself

'Cause she believes in nothin' else

And you'll look back and you won't believe

That girl was me

Armed with an attitude that she knows how to use

She's gonna get there any way she can

Now she knows what she wants

No one is gonna stop her

Nothing's ever gonna hold her back

For all the doubters, non-believers the cynicals that once were dreamers

One of these days you'll know that you were wrong (who would've know) [Chorus]

Life is a work of art- you gotta paint it colorful

Can make it anything you want

Don't have to stick to any rules

You don't need a high IQ to succeed in what you do

You just gotta have no doubt just believe in yourself

Doubters, non-believers, once were her dreamers

One of these days you'll open up your eyes

And you'll realize [Chorus]"

aeroyogi

22/11/2010

Allegory-Dethroned....

It struck her hard... She was just coming to terms with the new reality and an old saddle fell down crashing on her..

All she wanted was to clean up her past and let the shine of the present lighten her spirit. But then she winded up questioning her own identity. For she had so dearly associated with it, that even distance and time hadn't erased the bitter-sweet memories of a world she had construed. The world which strayed out of its orbit to another galaxy.

She had been dethroned. She had been replaced. Stripped off all her dignity in front of the world. The hopes she once foolishly harbored in her willfully dim psyche had been squandered. She chided herself for not realizing beforehand that this day would come. What was she expecting?A warm welcome back with probably a deeply written apology?! She was feeling the sting of her predator even long after she had been set free.

And the lonely evening offered no help in alleviating it. She looked out of her window and couldn't recognise the dampish road that reflected the twinkling lights from the mystic Chinese entrepot. May be it was the November mist that obscured the window or the shock and the anger that clouded her eyes, she felt lost amidst a haze of billowing long coats..

The sound of typical high-heeled boots reached her from across the street and she instantly realized her nakedness in the world. Once, a happy aspirant, was now stranded with all doors closed and guarded by a heavy iron mantle. She had tried to move it, she had tried to get back to the one thing that had made her vulnerable, to the one thing that had pulled her out of her tediously built fort, to the one thing she foolishly thought was going to last for a lifetime, but as destiny would have it, she only slipped on to the muddy uneven ground below.

There were days when she had reined, days when she wept-but not for herself, days when her soul flew off her grasp ecstatically and days she had hastily retraced steps back to her cover.And after more than a year of nonchalance, in fact neglect, she still felt the pang of all emotions bundled as one. This wasn't new to her but the knowledge of knowing she had been replaced charred her cells till they were dead.

A finality had been reached and she hadn't planned on encountering it. The totality of the universe seemed to be acting in unison,screaming out changes since a long time and she never suspected it for once. Her true innocent nature that rippled in her veins had distracted her from the harrowing truth.

And now all she could do was stare out of her window. She couldn't shed a tear, may be that would have helped. But it wasn't grief cos she knew she was once glad to fall out of captivity of negativity. It was disbelief, anger- with herself and the world. She had let them mock while she shed her real identity and had transformed into a puppet. She had enjoyed it..

She would still go around the universe, holding dearly the world she once owned. She only had to search for it now.

 No, How could she?! She was in a better place after all, she had flourished multi-fold. Her self-respect was indeed the top priority.

 But  the world she owned was definitely the most beautiful of all. If only there was a binding force...

No, it was gone, she had to snub the other feeling. She couldn't let it go on. There would be a better place and she would take a root there.

At the moment, a whirlpool of autumn leaves carried the cold winds to her. It stung her but she endured it. She knew she had to prevail through it, she could acclimatize, same as with her new position.

The cold penetrated deep into her nerves even though the fresh golden yellow leaves covered her torso. Vengeance some day would feel sweet. She would taste it for sure.

 Her cold lips quivered in her smile and her eyelids closed tight pushing forth two tiny pearls of droplets that glinted in the blue of the diamond like eyes that shone far far away from her.....

aeroyogi

9/11/2010

Rein over...

Note: Not very often I write slushy material, but on the rare occasion that there is a chemical misfire in my body, a sappy piece like this one that unintentionally resembles many (living and dead) egresses. I wouldn't mind if you skipped it. :-)
-------------o---------------o--------------o--------------o-----------------o-----------------o-------------o----------

As the sun sank low,
A heart that fluttered,
Longed to settle,
with a song of love
that had it flicker;

Ringing the soul like a newly born,
Cockling the senses like a spirit birthed young
She found her breath enlaced in his,
As one, for one, she knew they were wound.

She had feared, for the loss would kill-
the desires that she had needfully built;
But the day his blue diamond of an eye had reckoned,
She had coerced and let him rein over..

Like a farmer's pasture, like a climbers rock,
Her faith had forged into his deepest vein;
As the morning blossomed, and the dreams untwined,
His quivering lips had seized her in rein.

Being an ugly duckling that she was,
She cared not why or how he loved,
The uncouth brown of her eyes, mystic plenty,
Had the mountain of a man take the rein over..

With fantasies exploding, and the space drawing in;
They discern the sound of their hearts as one,
Time speaks and waits for none,
The hour to part, they realize has come.

The silence when the hearts unhinge,
A deafening gloom to withhold;
The pulse profligates beyond the nerves,
Leaving libertine drops of blood and tears.

She lay there stunned, mutinous to speak;
Her fears had come alive too quick a peek;
The minutes spent turned to nothing of sense,
And she still lay there in a mess under his rein.

She had asked for it, she remembered,
To be freed off the sweet pain,
Now that the sparkling blue resentfully stares away,
The sting of the rein sharpens on the prey.

A girl of dreams that she has been,
Continues to tread in the path she laid,
The necessity to walk free is ever so high,
She turns back to retrieve her lost rein in vain.

aeroyogi
29/10/2010

Agent Kats strikes again! (Story-2)

Today, I was traveling back to Delft for an exam that I so desperately wanted to do well. Yeah, a little more desperate than the usual. I boarded an uncommonly crowded train in the misty morning with a cup of free espresso in one hand and exam notes in the other. I was already running late owing to the unfortunate change in train schedules. Adding to the confusion was the wrong destination displayed inside the train. After a lot of reconfirming, I sat down in one of the last few available seats. Right behind me two blonde ladies followed, mostly in their mid-twenties.(No racial pun intended. Since I don't remember any other visual attitude, this description will have to suffice without causing any offense). I smiled at them and got back to my notes, trying to cramp few last details before encountering the professor. One of them sat next to me while her friend occupied the seat on the other side of the aisle. All was well until the train started moving by which time they very disturbingly made themselves uncomfortably comfortable.

And then it began.. what is with some women? They talk like its the end of time! How do they go on, non-stop, yapping about nothing that serves any particular purpose to anyone in the whole wide world?! Boots, dresses, hair and someone else's boyfriend?! Especially when they come up with this shrill, utterly unnecessary high-pitched laugh for a ridiculously lame statement?? You got it right.. I had to endure a hour long torture from these women especially since the train had stopped in the middle of nowhere owing to bad railway traffic! And all I wanted to know for the day was Infrared thermography!

One of the recent times when I really lost my sanity! The two blondes and the couple right in front of me who were probably in a time warp, back to the last night, people standing along the aisle (which still did not deter the blondes from shouting across to each other) and seeing other trains moving past ours clearing the view for an enormous expanse of nothing. I couldn't move out of that place. I couldn't sit there either!

I was trembling inside. No it wasn't because of the cold. I couldn't hold back any longer. Something or someone was yelling in great fury and I couldn't place the voice. It was deep, crusty and yet enchanting! I felt as if the whole train was shaking violently but no one seemed to feel anything around. Meanwhile, the blondes felt the need to reassert their presence every second with their chafing vocals. The yelling was growing louder and yet distant. I was on the edge of my seat almost overthrown by the urge to hurl myself towards the door. And then it happened... A familiar six feet tall phantom of a frightening woman zapped out of me, slithered above the ground in between people at a speed that almost made her invisible and came to a rest, hovering few inches above the ground right in front of those annoying women. It was her! Agent Kats! It felt so good to see her after a very long time. She truly was captivating, more mesmerizing than the last time I saw her. She wasn't what you'd call- beautiful, but I could give up my eyes to look at her for an eternity.. There wasn't a slightest hint of anger on her face, nor did she exude kindness. She was power, a paradigm of confidence! A magnificent aura by herself that had dimmed the surroundings! She knew I needed her. She had come for me.

The blondes could suddenly feel her presence. And I hoped for their lives' worth, they would stop jabbering. Only when they didn't, Agent Kats showed herself to them! I was dreading the worst for those girls when they adamantly just continued chewing their fat. Agent Kats now unfolded her arms and in one swift motion ran them across their faces. I didn't see that coming but there were deep gashes and blood was draining out of the blonde girls' faces. It was then I saw that Agent Kats' fingers had turned into dazzling sharp cold Titanium blades. The blondes now threw in another surprise by launching themselves at her while Agent Kats showed no element of astonishment and glided high and then ducked low deferring their “attack”. It was as if the space had expanded inside the train and the seats had been pushed back to the walls. I had thought that nobody could elude her but the blondes here were themselves trying to thwart Agent Kats. I was shocked!

I sensed that, Agent Kats saw humor in their attempt to overpower her. Agent Kats jumped high and let the foible of her fingers sink into the roof. Dangling with one hand, she zipped out her special OMG11 console. As soon as the console saw the light of the day, it turned itself into a monster of a wire. The silly blonde tried to snap it into two using a knife. It only became longer and thicker and started entwining lightly around her neck and then her body. I thought may be it should tighten itself around her. I wasn't sure what it would do, the girl wasn't choking but she was convulsing all over. I wondered what was happening. Then I saw it, the thick wire had come out of Agent Kats, there was a tiny, almost invisible thread that connected the wire to Agent Kats' veins. A bright blue was visible on her forearm. It then struck me! She was draining current through her body to the blonde. The power was so high that splinters flew out of the train's body that was held captive by Agent Kats' lustrous metallic fingers. Mere human as the blonde was, she couldn't tolerate the high voltage between her and Agent Kats. The wire forced itself into her mouth and reached the throat rapidly. The blonde began to yell but soon succumbed to the pain. The wire was now slowly untwisting itself from that girl and began to slither towards the second one who was appalled beyond her bare wits when she saw the fate of her friend. She attempted to flee but Agent Kats was quicker and who by that time had lost patience with the nagging affair, released herself from the roof, licked her titanium fingers once and sunk it into the blonde's throat. There wasn't a drop of blood but the girl just stood still, with the last of fear still dancing in her eyes so wide. It was poison. Agent Kats' cells had poison in them! She retrieved her sharp steel fingers back into her knuckle sockets and the blonde hit the floor in one motion.

Agent Kats just looked upon her victims with satisfaction and started to shrink into her shell posture. She was almost near me when she gave a look of “Silly girls..They deserved it” and then lazily floated back into me.

The train had shrunk back to normal size and my head was lighter than the usual. I hate it when Agent Kats inflicts so much pain and misery and causes a lot of destruction, but sometimes without her, the situation could get far worse than imaginable. Although I hope, I won't have to need her help far too often. Thanks Agent Kats!

aeroyogi

20/10/2010

Disguising my India...

This topic has been fairly running in my mind for quite some time and a recent conversation has pushed me into writing this pronto. I don't know if anyone will feel offended after reading this, but if you do, you must understand that I am just expressing concern over an issue that ought to be given a thought, rather solved soon pending which the impact in future will be significant in an awry way.

An acquaintance here today who has visited India couple of times was recounting his experiences and as with any foreigner he started off with the “quantity of spice in food” to bad roads to unbearable traffic to India's growth. I was quite used to explaining people about the first three. But the last topic hit me hard because I realized I did not know answers to the questions that surfaced in the discussion. He was being very polite with curiosity but I found myself in a web that I couldn't clamber out of easily. It slowly dawned, 'Growth' is the answer to so many of India's problems today and will probably be in future too.

Govindaa...gooovindaa....

Its nice to know we are growing in all spheres-scientific, economic social etc., surpassing all boundaries and gaining new heights with every step we take. But there is growth in one particular field which is often overseen, in most families neglected. I am talking about the population growth. Why do we Indians forget that we are expanding beyond the point of explosion and still procreate even after a healthy beautiful child was conceived earlier? I can understand if this was the case with the previous generation. Still in the 70's-80's or even early 90's population wasn't much of a threat. But what is wrong with the current highly-qualified generation who has seen the world, understands the threats to want more of their own gene pool bobbling in front of their eyes?! Many couples argue that its the elderly (who have already grandparented more than once, considering the count they themselves were responsible for) in the families requesting for new products to be manufactured and supplied so that they can spend their last days playing with them! And no, it cannot be brought off a shelf, it has to be made in-house! While hundreds of thousands of kids lay orphaned in the direst of conditions, the influx of those children is increasing who really have little or no clue of the imminent risk they are running into.

Procreation and variation in gene pool is very much necessary to continue the species, to carry forth the name, different traditions, culture, knowledge, heritage and in some cases businesses. But considering that the birth rate is about 25% while the death rate is about 9% for every 1000 people, doesn't it become the responsibility of every citizen to ensure that we have only what we will need for progress in harmony than have a surplus of human resource who fight for every other available seed for sustenance? Consider this, you and me will not have trouble during our life time, its the next generation that is going to suffer. If you have been in a city like Bangalore you will see the development and the increase in population over the last ten years grow manifold and you will also notice/complain about how there is no more place, how things are getting expensive, how there is not enough land up for purchase and definitely not many houses that can be bought. Everyone needs it. Everyone is in a pursuit of house, vehicles(atleast two-wheelers if not four) and being Indians, gold amongst the materialistic entities while simultaneously demand for lesser traffic, cleaner air, more space and what not! How on earth will anyone be able to provide all these if the population just keeps sky-rocketing? The usable land remains the same unless of course you start adding rural areas to the city limits as well. In that case if the arable lands and farmers are forced into different careers, then how can the food demands be met for a higher number of people?

Big families don't necessarily lead to a healthy, bonding society. I once lived across a family which probably had a sole goal in life-to populate the world. In pursuit of it, every year came a new entree into the market. And being rich as they were, they celebrated every one of the joyous occasions marking the successful anniversaries of each product. Of the many ignored birthday invites (to save my money on gifts) I picked up one random nipper who was unlucky enough to be graced by my satire presence. I had gone there just to count the total head. It was impossible. The gradient in looks and size wasn't that big and I just kept counting all of them over and over again. The house ran in chaos while the matriarch of the house just sat in her fat armchair overlooking her tired production unit(read daughter in law) who herself was haplessly gazing at her troublesome products. There really wasn't any enthusiasm in her eyes. Of course, if every month you had a commodity demanding cake and balloons, would you be spreading joy? Yes, I don't like calling them children. It seemed to me like a production house for humans where the machines in the production line never found rest time! Either the couple hadn't heard of birth control methods or they had some superficial dreams and beliefs. Just think, if the parents cant spend enough time on each of their kids what is the point of bringing them into existence?Its bad enough that we have a terrible percentage of unproductive, inefficient people, do we need more of them? Atleast that section of people is ok, do we need sociopaths or psychopathic additions to the society? Oh, this applies to a 2-children family as well. I have known instances where one of them is ignored, so that the other gets the light of the hour. Seriously, is that why the seconders are conjured?

The main detrimental aspect is the Indian mentality of conservative shyness when it comes to birth control methods. Many couples claim some of their conceptions is because of an “accident” where the doctor's prescribed pills did not work exactly the way it should have on the woman's reproductive system. How difficult is it for men to take one step forward to buy some protection? Why is it acceptable rather expected for a woman to take B.C pills prescribed by a doctor that involves so much risk and money, not to mention adverse effects on health, while all men have to do is buy a pack around the corner of the street? One of my friend was telling me how condoms are available for as low as Rs. 3 (its true, check the websites!) and as discreet as in places like the gents restrooms of malls and showrooms. Is it really “Oh what will the other person think of me if I buy this?” or is it just plain ignorance combined with arrogance?  Its the tradition of keeping it under covers as though its some pagan ritual that Indians should really rise out of. 

We are not far behind..

Chinese who are currently world no. 1 in terms of population, have some policies that they strictly follow. One child per family, More than that? pay more taxes! And to see, its working out efficiently. At the present rate, we will surpass the Chinese by 2030. In India too, if they can bring some policies like that AND FOLLOW THEM strictly, then we can keep a check on our population too and thus ensuring equal opportunities for all in every matter. This was what was going on in my mind when my western acquaintance asked why we don't have a policy to curb this godforsaken rate of increase! I told him that we do have a 2 children policy and his immediate question was, what happens if you have the third one? I did not have an answer because nothing happens in India! Why are we so negligent about it? We have all the time to divide states and pay foreigners giant bills to play in some chaotic, senseless tournaments but we don't have time to solve the problems on hand!

A simple policy (This was suggested by the same friend mentioned above and I support)-

One child per family- Reduction in taxes,

One child+an adoption-further reduction in taxes,

More than one-Increase the taxes(by a specific percentage),

No offsprings-Minimum taxes.

No offsprings+adoption-No taxes!

The tax reduction or increase doesn't have to be more, trust me, considering the Indian mentality, people will definitely think for every tiny percent of increase or decrease in their tax slips! The government too can make quite some revenue with it considering that there will be a few nonchalant people and few more idiots who will make up for all the sensible (albeit a few) lot's taxes..If only this was possible somehow..

You could mock me calling me an “outsider” at the present but I am still an Indian and it hurts to know that my country has some shortcomings and that the world knows about it, worse laughs about it. Its even more a fierce battle within when I cannot defend cos we really aren't working on solving it. If we were making an effort then I could proudly defend my country's honor in front of the western eye.

But sadly, I did convince them in a totally polar approach (by pointing out the human resources and potential because of the increase; the marquee of Indians covering the globe etc.) although it was basically me trying to reaffirm my love for my country by disguising one of its many negative tapers. I am sure many other expats have tidied the crumbles this way which beyond doubt is not a permanent solution for our own good within India and outside too.

aeroyogi

22/09/2010

Independence Day... Really??

Its plastered everywhere. Songs, flags, slogans..I am being wished by my countrymen and yet I do not feel it. I do not feel I am from an independent country. After 63 years of our so called independence, we still are cluttered and confused, in fact in more ways than what existed back then..

Every anniversary, one old man will be remembered by most in the media for his over hyped ways of contribution and the rest of them will be conveniently forgotten. Children sing songs, enact plays from pre-independent eras, hoist flags, eat sweets and go home to a national media that is hell bent on manipulating viewer content  according to their profit charts. Don't get me wrong, these acts will help children remember the struggle but will this show them the reality? The present that is screaming out for help?

Year after year, its all done in a wish, but are we truly independent? Not everyone feel they live in democratic country because they are bound by a million problems all of which manifest from a regime so senseless in varied facets. Are we free of a multitude of socio-economic and political problems that could and should have been addressed already? We drown in corruption and uptight bureaucracy run by umpteen number of selfish, power hungry uneducated fools and yet we sing of a victory that was attained a lil' more than half a century ago with great difficulty, endurance and time..

I think we still have a lot to fight for, as this day really means nothing to more than 3/4th of India, most who will be happy to feed a morsel to their malnourished kid just like another day, most who will be glad if they did not have to pay their salaries worth to get a simple seal from the government and some who will feel blessed if their merit was recognised and not their economic/socio-cultural backgrounds. While the more 'fortunate' souls bless the holiday if its on a week day and enjoy it in a cafe equally plastered with an overdose of patriotic symbols. We are satisfied with the malls that get bigger and personal pay checks that can afford them. We aren't afraid to encourage corruption because we see the one standing next to us and think that's the way world works. But is it?!

Lead from darkness to light..

We might have let this detail slip through before, but let us no more.. Let us each do our part righteously and take time to help our neighbours do the same. There is nothing a common man can't achieve through his common ways that can bring about an uncanny change to the current situation. The common man just needs the support of another common man. Lets put a foot down and not enter the gate guarded by the satan's sentry. It will take time and it will be painful but it will be worth the trouble. If we yield to the easy route now, we will be answerable to the future generation who will not only be born in the trammels of vanity but also will have to live with such fate, and evil only worsens with time unless treated otherwise.

Of course I am not saying the whole of India can do this at once. Its unreasonable to expect everyone to reason in terms of the benefit for future, but if one can take time to educate and help people in their surroundings, homely neighbourhoods will slowly lead the way to a beautiful country-free and prosperous. It will not happen in a year or two.. It may take decades, but if we do not start even now, then we really fail as patriots, fail those who fought for an independent India and no amount of calling out slogans or remembering their achievements on National holidays will prove it otherwise. 

All we have to do is start, stick to our ideals and spread the thought in whatever responsible way we see fit. Let us bring a change together in the hope that such time shall mightily arrive when our children can grow up in a free country-free(even if not completely) of all the negatives that has bound us today in shackles, such time when they will really empathize and appreciate the blood and sweat of all those great heroes who dreamt and sacrificed for a FREE INDIA, such time when western tourists are no longer looking to photograph award winning 'art' pictures of dusty markets, slums and their inhabitants fighting for survival. Let the disparity amongst people end. Let democracy be a word understood and respected by all. Let Independence Day mean to everyone. 

And to all those who want to argue that it cannot happen because of a countless reasons, first dethrone that negativity from your brain. If our fighters had thought like you then we'd still be wiping slime off a British foot. For once, plant a positive seed and just nurture it, you will find a countless reasons to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. And as a derived version from Charles Tindley's gospel song goes-

We shall overcome                                                        

We shall overcome

We shall overcome some day

Oh deep in my heart, I do believe,that,

We shall overcome some day....

Let's help ourselves..Jai Hind.

Happy fighting for our true Independence Day.

aeroyogi
15/08/2010

Life in Netherlands-Part 6- ..3..2..1.. Ignition..Lift off

And tower cleared.. It went ricocheting from the ground into the windy skies of the ASK Military base at 't Harde.

After months of designing and constructing with 4 other super cool international students, the rocket was ready for launch. It was a fantastic experience which involved some awesome rocketry knowledge, a chance to work with some brilliant minds around and a real launch feel . Probably the coolest project I have done till date. For the first time in Holland, being with this team made me feel at home.

      Best team I've worked with till date

Antanas couldn't make it on launch day

We probably had the best looking rocket amongst all. Martin's idea of putting up every team member's country flag was such a feel-good idea that made us all proud and happy. An international collaboration that truly materialized experiences in a plethora of domains.. We named our rocket MEAT 52, a scramble of TEAM 25 that we were officially called in the beginning.

Successful or not, a great deal of lessons were learnt while sprucing up the rocket. Listing few major ones and the entire experience of launching a rocket! 

We decided that a simple mechanical deployment system would work best (not the greatest idea-Lesson 1) for our rocket since we didn't want any hassles dabbling with circuitry and programming too much. Lesson 2-Nothing, I mean nothing at all is free of electronics and/or programming in today's science. I think it was quite simpler when men pushed the wheel cart!

Our rocket malfunctioned the previous night of the launch. Apparently the updated code wasn't working because of a software glitch in the system. How small things can ruin your life! Stefan(my skilled teammate toiled through the circuits all along when we lesser mortals who could not go beyond the definition of capacitors and resistors watched) and Eric(the electronics and programming/debugging guru) worked on it all night while the other teams and safety officers had set up a camp fire in the middle of a beautiful scouting camp situated right in the heart of a typical European countryside which had great big farms hosting animals like Llamas and kangaroos too!!

The campfire in the middle of nowhere

Yeah, it was peculiar but great.. The guru and the prodigy had set the system right before the night died and we began testing and retesting it. The servo behaved stranger than ever.. The gear inside wouldn't turn a full 180 degrees consistently. It kept getting stuck midway which ultimately was the cause for the 'after' condition of our rocket!

 Lesson 3- Don't test so many times that a working system fails!

Setting up the towers

Anyway few more adjustments, it was just fine and we retired into our sleeping bags. The launch morning wasn't a guest for perfect weather though.. Just like the previous day, it kept raining and the cold penetrated through my shoes and lost me my toes for the day. When you are in Holland, complaining about rain only wastes your energy. It rains in Summer, Autumn, Winter and Spring!! And every time it does, it feels the same. A thin chill passes down your spine constantly giving you the feeling of being electrocuted! Soaking wet,we tested the deployment system and it was working. Alleluia! After removing and wrapping the parachute into the top section several times so that it did not interfere with servo rod that pushed off the nose cone during deployment, we fixed the motor with Olga's guidance and help. (Lesson 4 – Give more than enough tolerance for a mechanism that will keep your system safe). We went back to the tarmac and one by one the rockets shot off from the towers that we the participants had assembled the previous day.

It was awe-inspiring, encouraging and motivating to see a rocket-our rocket being launched. I got an opportunity to set off the ignition for the launch! ;)

MEAT 52 and some other launches

Rocket sciences isn't exactly easy or predictable, I can now sympathize with the millions of dollars draining in the gutter all over the world due to failed space missions. Who wouldn't after seeing the remains of our rocket that had a perfect launch but a failed deployment because the servo wouldn't just turn all the way?! The military officials at the base took the longest to find our rocket remains. The egg placed in the belly of the rocket that had to return safely to the earth (the competition criteria) was probably deep fried mid air and had shattered into a thousand pieces when the rocket nose dived at approx 200 km/hr from about 700 m high! 

What came back of our rocket!

We knew we had lost the run in the competition when we saw the rocket diving down with the nose cone still on the body after it had disappeared into the clouds for few seconds. The yellow of the parachute was nowhere to be seen then. But that was just one thing in the rocket that was intact amongst the remains, in fact we got it back exactly the way we had packed! The nylon was still roped around the cloth. We had probably tied it too tightly while trying to make space for the servo rod. Lesson 5- Make sure of the material thickness while designing the system. Everything occupies more space in the body than you imagine!

So our rocket's launch and flight were alright but we could not retrieve the egg safely, Mission failed. "Well, sh** happens!" grunted the safety officer. Though slightly disheartened, Martin's ever positive attitude and the rest of the team's pick up and learn mindset, helped a lot in digesting our rocket's demise. Atleast it would be lesser unknowns for the next time! Some other rockets that were working fine till the last minute faced terrible fate at the end too. But on the whole, the rockets not just from DARE but also NAVRO and NERO(all Dutch amateur rocket organizations) rounded off the day with some mind blowing show!

Wouter on fire! 

It was not just a great learning experience but also so much fun. Met so many amazing people, heard different stories, saw some great fire tactics display and truly camped after ages. Plus it felt cooler later on to tell “I just launched a rocket!” ;)

That was the first time I realized that it was not just Stefan who was good at working with his hands, it was common to all the Europeans there. They are used to working on their own. Some of them there had built every piece of furniture in their apartments! Of course assembling/transporting launch towers and rockets wasn't a big deal for them! In India, the usual age when you would probably hold a drill gun is around 15-16.. May be not even then for most of them(generally speaking). Here, a majority of them know how to repair any problem that comes with a bike or for that matter any mechanical/electronic gadget. It made me feel lot more dumb than usual! Why hadn't anyone let me try when my house needed painting or a partition in the living room had to be erected? Where was I when dad kept sending his old 70's bike for servicing? Or when my computer and audio/video player needed repair? Why hadn't anyone told me I could do it or taught me how to? All I remember from my childhood is everyone's desire for me to excel in academics and extra curriculars. India should be westernized from this aspect. We run to “professionals” for everything. We are so much dependent on someone else for everything. Why is it that we never try doing it on our own? Is it just laziness or pure ignorance? Are we afraid to try or do have a false dignity of labour concept? Or is it just because its simpler and easier to let someone else do it? Any which way, children in India miss out on developing essential working skills for life.

These people have done it all. Plus they are good at academics and extra curricular activities. I felt a little useless in comparison to their efficiency. But since then, its been a different story all together. Those couple of days changed me quite a lot. Every time there is some machine malfunction, I just think of the launch days.and some how I come up with a solution! :) Lesson 6- Just the mere thought of someone else being able to do the job makes you do it yourself first! And it gives a little boost to my confidence. Its not just me, most of my fellow Indians are now painting and furnishing their houses on their own which they definitely wouldn't have done in India!

The rocket days are something I will never forget for it has been an eye-opener to a new subject, new friends, new mindset and a host of experiences that I had come here looking for.

In the making of...

Unforgettable  days...

aeroyogi

15/05/2010

My Nicotine....

At the oddest of hours and the weakest of moments, I remember the one thing that always assured a great ending to my day, my nicotine. Even though I have been away from it since the last ten months or so, today I experience a powerful withdrawal hit which has weakened all my senses and has had me lower my guard. I am on my knees wasted all over drowning in a puddle of nerves, desire, fears and pain.

Yes, I am Swathi Krishna and I am an addict. From the time, I can possibly remember, I owe my dreams, goals, fantasies, pleasure, victories, failures, heck, my entire life to this incredibly addictive substance which has clearly made me what I am today!

I must tell you about my nicotine. Its the kinda drug, that had normal effects like any other would do, but in its own special way. It pumped me up a million times over, gave me a sense of euphoria and drove away my blues miraculously, no matter how badly the day had ended. I always had preserved it for the end of the day, which gave me a reason to survive the next! I probably did it once a week or bimonthly when I was a kid(mostly for recreation). As I grew older, responsibilities, worries and tensions came with age that forced me to use it for sheer survival! Where the deadlines had to be met, doppelgangers of all kinds had to be dealt with and fight for survival in the direst situations had been almost life-threatening. In such times, it was only my nicotine on a daily dosage that helped me pull through. Of course all my well-wishers forbade my regular usage of it, but I always sided with the one thing that kept my soul intact. And the best part is there haven't been any side effects nor will there be any!

And yet, it was this wonderful matter, that encouraged me to abandon it. Graceful enough to let me pursue my dreams. It was a choice between that and my career. It was valiant enough to let me go just as I was cos we were mutually dependent. Indeed, the beginning of this separation was replaced by my excitement of living in a foreign country which strangely had license to sell every molecule that caused addiction except for my nicotine. But now, after 10 months of restraint and self-control, I am on the floor, craving like a baby. A tiny bit of it on the tip of my tongue would do. But I am miles away from the treat.

It is available on almost every other street of an Indian city, (yes! Its legal very much because of its popularity and harmless nature) but each place serving it differently that every new joint you try, you rediscover yourself differently. My nicotine is not a normal roll and sniff kinda joint. There is an elaborate, gratifying procedure to savour it. And if the one who prepares it isn't doing it right, then half the euphoria is lost before it reaches your taste buds. There is a specific pattern to it and every sitting you need to have atleast 7 shots before even mildly being satisfied. The rhythm of the making of your shots stimulates your fluid production and the wait of few seconds before you can pop your first shot gets highly unbearable in a thoroughly enjoyable way. Pick-crunch in the belly-toss the filling-dip in sweet poison-pop it in before it pops out! And it repeats...

Yeah, Priceless is the pleasure derived from one sniff in the open air as you pass by a stall, hearing the smoking potato mermen singing gallantly to the lil' shy pulses in tutus, the irresistible crunch of the bad fat guy amidst its hundred brothers and the jaw dropping tango of cumin and mint with the sensuous tamarind sauce gliding in and out; all conspiring against your free will and ultimately taking over your senses. The quick and careful preparation by the vendor even amidst a jamming mob, the rush when you know the nicotine wont last long with the sweet poison engulfing the bad guy and the eagerness with which you pop it on your tongue gives such a high that clears your head in a jiffy like a seasoned matron. The tango of cumin and mint continues on your taste buds arousing every cell to join the celebration of a delicacy forming within you. And what more, if you cannot afford it, then may be you live in some dusty alley downtown!

And I'm sure I am not the only one, there are millions of people in and outside India addicted to it. If there had to be a society of addicts, the fraternity could fill up a couple of nations easily. I am not ashamed of being an addict, cos those who aren't, aren't blessed enough by this cosmos to dwell in the charm of one helluva substance named Pani puri!

I dunno how long it will be before I can get back to the love of my life, but I do know, when reunited, the universe will engage in such merriment unseen before unfolding a fair of life and celebration on every ounce of every galaxy!

aeroyogi

27/6/2010

A million times over....

Feathers spread warm and bright,
She glides high and might,
An angel so prime she is,
I bow on my knees to my goddess so kind.

Held me tight, has she always,
Picked me up from the ground,
Despite my ego clad songs so long,
I lap in her eyes tall and sound..

Not a word of falsity,
No pretense of being guile,
How, I cannot fathom her patience so firm,
That turns me round-around on ground..

The world might be lost,
For her thoughts have I conquered,
No straw had I picked,
To gain such an honor.

She feels my breath every arc,
Across the oceans yonder,
How, I cannot fathom her heart so large,
That can unendingly love beyond the bond.

When I crumble beneath the vessel of existence,
She holds the freight that guns her down,
Yet she smiles and hides me under her veil,
Faces the wrath and fury prolonged.

As I stand amidst the graves ,
She clutches me hard and steers me loud,
The world sneers at my deeds those deserved,
My tears trickle into her embrace profound.

She believes in me when I do not,
And converts me so with no afflict,
How, I cannot fathom her trust is placed,
That realizes a hope of life I dreamt.

The most beautiful of nature I've known,
She wears out in sentiments drawn to me,
How, I cannot fathom, an ugly wight like me,
Seems to her like the paradise's Queen..

A single lyric will do injustice,
To the lady I know is a miracle,
How, I cannot fathom I adorned her feminity,
If not a blessing thats ONE and true.

I would depart with glee,
To again be from you,
A million times over, I'd cry,
Mother, Thank you.......

aeroyogi
14/6/2010

Life in Netherlands- Part 5- Peakaabooo... the sun is out!

The smell of fresh grass,bright sunlight kissing gently on the the back of my neck, faint wind playing with my hair, tiny winged insects crawling up my aeroelasticity notes and lustrous ducks walking past me, all of these betokened the mighty onset of spring and the peril of winter. Even though spring started quite early and many talked about it as the Dutch would do, it was only today that I really felt the dainty season through my veins.

I had proceeded up the library roof top around 6 pm when the library shut down on a fine April Saturday. If you think I am a geek to sit with books on a day like this, don't you dare! If you bore my work load, you would condemn me for not working harder! Anyway, there were hardly few people up there and the weather was perfect. Not windy, not cold, not hot, not humid and definitely no clouds! I sat at the top of the slope and opened by notes and started pouring my brain cells into it.  I gradually leaned on my back still muttering the notes under my breath with my backpack acting as a pillow.It was so relaxing and soothing, just like my bed back home! :D That was comfortable. Owing to the sub standard bed and "cot" that was provided by the housing department, I had never felt like climbing onto it with my books. And there I was on the soft grass reading away like it was a novel. The warmth was just too apt in magnitude and I could actually feel my skin smiling broadly on the rendezvous with the sun after months! 

And just as I was absorbed into the surroundings as with myself, there came along a couple of ducks quacking along, may be something funny cos I felt like laughing too! May be they crack(quack)ed up seeing so many papers strewn all over me. Still on the ground, I could see the deep orange of their webbed feet like never before. Do all ducks have orange limbs? Now, I am confused cos I don't remember seeing such a beautiful orange on any animal. Or may be they were highly patriotic ducks, they just had to wear their country's colour all the time! :P Wait, did they think I was lifeless, cos the minute I got up to grab my phone camera, they almost flew from there! I had to literally run around the library dome to get a picture of those cute companions. they just refused to be photographed showing their tail all the while and keeping a grim face! hmph! x(

I just let them be and walked back to my books. Seeing that I meant no harm, they came back to my study spot and kept me company. They probably sensed I needed quiet and so they maintained it. With ocassionally a few swans soaring over,lot of light and air and not a human to disturb, I did a lot more than I would have done locked up inside! 

After a while, I snapped up my belongings and walked down the only slope in Delft as the sun decided it was time to call it a day! The winds were picking up now determined to defeat my hair in all good spirit and the ducks were heading back to their nests on the edge of the canal opposite the library that was posing like a shy damsel letting the last of the ducks wade through her. It still felt perfect letting Newtons gravity and inertia laws prove themselves while I had to just put one step forward....:D 

.

Back on the ground and near the EWI building, which strangely was standing still (every time I pass by it, I have the feeling that, all its 20+ floors sway to Holland's aeonian winds! :D ) was when I saw the planes flying into the evening sun with contrails trailing meters behind. Was glad to see the metal birds back in action after the Iceland volcano puked ashes at the skies and stopped the very thing from moving that would feed me bread and butter next! This global warming reduction technique is not only effective but also a spectacle to behold, especially if you do not know why! If you haven't seen it before (your kidding!) or you wanna see it again, here is a page of some photos I clicked. 

One of the good things about Holland is that you can look up at the skies and walk your ground without the fear of falling into a pothole! And so did I utilize the benefit fully today. It looked like as though the pilots were as eager as me to reach out and hold on to the sun for a long time as they flew directly into it.. If you can enlarge the photo, in one of the pics, it actually looks as if the plane is ramming into the sun, causing a solar flare ring outwards. Just as I wanted to lower my gaze, few gulls soared by across the contrails crooning in unison the song of spring and the lightness of hearts. A panorama that let my face relax in a smile and my mind perch on the tallest of the greenest trees! 

It was time to get back to my nemesis as the weight on my shoulders prodded me hard. As opposed to the winter and the autmn, my mind though loaded with a million worries, seems blissfully light and the confidence hops back slowly just like the ladybird skipping on the bark of the young tree right beside me. All of the flora were sprouting leaves and colorful flowers in full force. I would again be able to pluck those apples from the nearby tree in few days and there will be golden daffodils waving out to me wherever I go. Some air in the wind that said things would get better now....

 A flame of warmth, happiness and expectation surged through me leaving me smiling more than ever outside my humble dwelling.... Spring, as I have never before seen, is definitely rolling on its fastest wheel... :) 

aeroyogi